Dating a few different guys at once to find the right one to settle down with. Thoughts?

[RedVioletXo]

So what I mean about dating a couple of different guys at once is just at that get to know you stage. Going on a few dates etc before things start to get serious and into an exclusive relationship. I'm not talking about being in a relationship with 2 guys behind their backs lol.

The reason why I'm making this thread is that I'm in my late 20's and I feel ready to settle down with someone and enjoy a loving committed relationship and build a life with that person. I've been hurt in the past by different guys I was with who claimed to love and care about me. I'm an emotional person and tend to get feelings and get attached easily so when things don't work out it's back to square one. With dating multiple different guys I'm getting to know them all individually and seeing which one is a better match.

Have you ever done this before? How did it work out? Thanks

Do it. Absolutely no point going exclusive or getting attached too soon. Until you know someone pretty well and are prepared to invest 6 months or more of your precious life in them. Ideally they will be the one wanting more, and you can control the pace.

My friend did this to get into dating and essential practise at going on dates. Build her confidence so she could be herself on first dates and not overcome with nerves.

She went on 2 or 3 dates a week for a few months.

She finally found her DP after stopping this though and going for quality over quantity.

Something she and I both took away from online dating was not to bother going on dates with anyone youre not excited about and to look for red flags from messages. If their flow / conversation doesnt sit right with yours, move on.

Good luck op

Thanks. I see no harm in it if it's only at the get to know you dating stage as it helps to not get too attached to one person and avoid unnecessary hurt. I'm currently seeing someone. Just getting to know him in that way but keeping my options open. I jumped in too early with my last partner as things were going great for the first couple of months then it was hot and cold until it ended in October. It really dented my self esteem as his actions made me feel I wasn't good enough but it's all a lesson and I know with future guys not to take that shite lol

Isn’t this the norm? Otherwise going exclusive wouldn’t be a thing.

I think it's fine, as long as both people are aware that's the situation

That's brilliant glad things have worked out for her. Yes defo the more you date people the more you learn about red flags and stuff. One of the big ones for me is effort. If a guy puts loads of effort in early on then stops or goes hot and cold then I've no time for that crap and I know to just move on lol. I'm hoping to settle down within the next year.

Yes loads of people do it but I haven't actively dated more than one person at a time. I usually date one at a time but I think that's where I fall down as I tend to get attached too soon then when I get let down it hurts more

Yes definitely. I would no longer date the others once I become exclusive with one of them.

I think there's a TedX talk on just this strategy! The guy who did it treated it almost like AI learning: a training period of a certain fixed number of dates (nine of whom you settled for, no matter how nice) while you refined your criteria/definite no-noes. Then a period of "dating for real" where you then opted to settle (as a quite conscious strategy) for the first partner who ticked enough boxes.

Seemed to work for him. Not sure it would be for me.