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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

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7 replies

Bdayupset · 01/12/2019 17:54

How the hell do you leave your 'd'h, when you're the one that works full time, and he look after the kids (all young, pre school)?
I want them with me, but how would I do that?!
So desperate and depressed right now.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 01/12/2019 17:55

That's really difficult, OP. Why do you want to leave him? Be very, very careful whatever you do.

PicsInRed · 01/12/2019 17:55

Married? Joint property and assets?

PicsInRed · 01/12/2019 17:57

Does he actively look after them like a full time SAHM, or are you still doing all the admin, dr visits, clothes shopping etc etc?

Original poster

Bdayupset · 01/12/2019 18:11

Married. No assets or anything like that. I work in the week, he does some hours at the weekend. He takes them to Dr's, nursery etc, I do a lot of admin/reminding/organising

OP posts:

MMmomDD · 01/12/2019 18:37

OP - if you separate - it won’t be fair for the children ‘to be’ with just you or just him. Nest interest of the children won’t have them not live with one of parents (provided both are fit, obv).
So - your higher income may mean that you might have to pay more in maintenance - however it will entirely depend on circumstances and your level of income.
It seems that you work, and he also works. And I am going to assume that your income won’t be enough to to fully support two households.
In that situation - most likely outcome would be you two sharing custody 50/50.
And he would be told to up his working hours.
And you’ll have to share existing assets - house? - half/half.
You might have to pay him some maintenance - possibly for a short time until he re-enters full time work.
But this all depends and you need to have a lawyer look at your specific situation.

But again - you or him aren’t likely to get 100% custody.

PicsInRed · 01/12/2019 18:46

He'll be expected to find work once the kids start school, like any left mother.

Are you a high earner? If not, and with no assets and both contributing to the children (though him doing more as SAHD), this isn't a bad time to separate, financially.

A working father as involved as you are in the running of the household would be patted on the back and immediately or soon after likely to be granted 50/50 care of the children.

It is what it is. See a good solicitor.

FabbyChix · 01/12/2019 19:23

I has that I got them childcare then when it was in place kicked him out

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