Can I ever make things right?

[wtfamidoingnow]

I went out last night and ended up at a pub with my friend. Some guy she's flirted with on and off over the years txted her. We were absolutely hammered and not wanting to go home, so we went to his. I think we drank some more.

My friend has a very complicated relationship with her long term ex. They aren't together, but she loves him. I think he also loves her, but they haven't been able to make it work properly.

She got upset and asked her ex to pick her up. I think she was feeling guilty about being at another guy's house. I stayed, and to my shame, we kissed, and I woke there in the morning. We didn't have sex, and I don't know how it started, but it doesn't matter. I shouldn't have gone near him.

I've told her and she has said it's not an issue. She loves her ex and if anything was ever to happen with this guy, it would have happened by now. She has been so good about it, but I can't see how.

I'm a danger to myself and my friendships when I drink and this weekend was the last of it. She's my best friend and I don't know what the hell I was thinking. We have been through so much together.

I'm probably not brave enough for the replies I'll get here, but I'm hoping there will be one which will help me fix this and prove to her that I am sorry and can be a better friend. Please.

I think sit down and chat with her face to face. Explain how awful you feel. Really talk it out, from both viewpoints.

It sounds like you lose control when you drink? Is this a problem area do you think? Would you seek help? Or commit to not drinking when out, maybe keep having drinks to "safe" environments - inviting select friends to yours etc. That would also demonstrate to her your commitment to change and your friendship I think.

It was a bit thoughtless given she was keen on this guy but given she left to go to her ex it's not like you swiped him from under her nose.

Don't beat yourself up. No one died, you are all adults and your friend isn't sufficiently bothered for it to be a problem.

Maybe it's an opportunity / wake up call to address your risk taking when drunk? It doesn't sound like this is the first time you've disappointed yourself. You are remorseful and that's a sign you know it's wrong, some people never see their behaviour as wrong. Vow to drink less and try a little harder to put friends first. It's so easy to put yourself at risk when pissed. You're worth more than unplanned hookups and regrets.

I've told her I won't be drinking anymore. It's just not worth this. I can never just have one or two, and I have put myself in some awful situations before this one.

She has been fine with me today, having a laugh, telling me she had a great night with me. But she's just too decent to tell me otherwise, or hasn't really thought it over.

Ah you've got the beer fear.

You've told your friend, she's ok with it and has been fine with you. Your hangover is making you anxious and paranoid.

Probably a good idea to knock the drinking on the head though.

Things happen!
At least you have learnt that the booze makes you do stupid things!

Maybe work on your self esteem, you were subconsciously looking for some affection and validation, you just went about it the wrong way.

Also you don’t want to put yourself in a vulnerable position where you might get abused.

Alcohol changes our personalities, but it is a temporary, unhelpful change.

Love yourself more