Always called ugly

[Notprettyy]

I was bullied as a child up until the age of 16 and on and off as an adult. As a child it was my frizzy hair mostly . It somewhat improved at college and I got some attention .

Over the years I seem to have suffered an abnormal amount of looks related insults. An ex friend of my mine said I was too ugly to get a boyfriend . If I’ve had a boyfriend , other girls/ women have questioned why they are with me. I’ve been told I look like a man , my hair is awful, my clothes are awful, one girl tried to cut my hair at a party.All totally unprovoked. A friend of a friend told me it was no wonder the last guy i had a fling with ditched me and told me he was too good for me , as he is.

I’m 30 now, single and I’m tired . I’m scared of dating now. I feel as bad as I did at school. I’ve bought new clothes and make up , but I’ve got an awful hair short cut . Is there anything I can do to accept myself ? I did wonder about plastic surgery , but then think I don’t want to bow down to these kind of people.

Sounds like you need new people around you! Toxic people can prey on your weakness and what you are unsecure about to make you even worse about yourself. Try looking up confidence tips online and cut out anyone who makes you feel awful about yourself. People around you are there to enhance your life, not make you feel bad. Sometimes just carrying yourself with confidence changes how people perceive you and don't be afraid to tell people to f off if they make you feel bad.

People can be vile. Some of those remarks about guys being too good for you, smack of jealousy though.

Ok so maybe you aren't miss world, who is? But those men clearly liked you, so you must have a little something something ;)

When your hair grows back, maybe speak with a hairdresser about hair relaxent (or whatever its called) to tame the frizz. Instead of lopping it off. Just because it seems to attract assholes to commenting. Might minimise the hassle.

It seems like you might attract narcissists and the like. Fake friends and nasty ex's. This can be to do with coming across as happy in yourself. Eg: not conforming to the norm looks-wise. They don't like that you don't feel an overwhelming need to be admired. Like they do. Bullies are also often attracted to those of us who look a little different.

Haters gonna hate. Be more careful if the people you surround yourself with and that's half the battle fought.

I agree with the others, your problem is the people you have been hanging around with. Widen/change your circles to include people who aren't shallow idiots and care about your personality and character.

I agree with PP
I think youre repeating negative patterns from childhood. You believe its normal for people to treat you like shit, so arent red flagging very well when they do.

Set the bar higher for how people treat you and hold you head high. You obviously ARE attractive as men have been interested in / still are. Not that mens interest defines attractiveness, but i guess from what you say its partly what you are seeking.

Dont let people speak to you or assult you. Get away from people who do that. Its not normal or ok. These people are bullies, just like the ones from childhood.

I'm sorry you experienced this. People can be so cruel and thoughtless. Definitely speak to a hairdresser about what you can do re the frizz. I think you need to do some work on the inside too, so some counselling could be beneficial as well.

Good quality clothes, accessories, shoes and makeup along with a good haircut make a huge difference to anyone. Grooming is actually more important to attractiveness than base looks. It's about demonstrating effort and adhering to fashion ... which is effectively just social norms. Paying homage to the current rules of society. With makeup. 😉

Frizz can be kept well under control by blow drying each time with heat protecting serum and following up with a flat iron to press straight. It's really easy with a little practice and a great short cut to looking well groomed.

Your friends are awful and you need to distance them, have therapy, learn to choose better friends (rather than let arseholes choose you).

Wow your 'friends' sound toxic as fuck. You need to drop these people the second they start making these vile comments. Chances are they're incredibly insecure and get their ego boost from making others feel bad, typical bullies. I have v frizzy hair too I keep mine long and straighten it if I'm going out or wear it in a French plait to keep the worst of the frizz at bay! My husband loves my frizzy hair (except when it's blocking the shower drain ) in the 80s we'd have been rockin it! I know very few women who are actually happy with their hair and very few men who give a shit!

I agree that you need to associate with better people. Work on your self esteem. Good luck OP.

Op I can totally relate. I was bullied all throughout school for being ‘ugly’ which has impacted on my self esteem in adulthood, even though I have a partner. The horrible comments still haunt me (I’m in my 30’s now) and even when my partner calls me beautiful I don’t believe it. People don’t seem to realise that your past really does affect your present and no amount of compliments or nice words really change that. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, I thought I’d just let you know that you’re not alone.

you need new friends

A friend of mind is really quite ugly (big nose, greasy hair, bad skin, big teeth, no chin) and she has a handsome, kind partner who adores her.

My friend is intelligent, hard working, funny, determined and makes the most of what she has (good hair care, good make up, a devil may care attitude). And mostly she just has a really upbeat personality that draws people to her. I sometimes catch new people comment about her looks but once you know her you just... don’t see it. It’s odd. I know, objectively, my friend is ugly - but I never think of her as anything other than attractive.

I also know some objectively beautiful people who just emanate bitch from their pores and I feel really uncomfortable around them.

Ronald Dahl makes this point at the start of the Twits and it really is true!

Please don’t get surgery because of what these arseholes have said to you. You need to focus on your own self perception. Something I am also trying to do.

I’m no looker and am deffo on the squishy side however my DH (who is super dishy) insists that the attraction is my confidence not overall appearance. Your confidence has been knocked horribly and repeatedly. I would work on this first and see where it leads.

Please ditch those horrid toxic friends who are the ugly ones.

You are a very brave person who has come through a lot at school. I doubt very much you are ugly ... your voice through your writing is beautiful and sensitive. Your hair will grow back and you can always try new clothes, but get ones you like that are right for you.

Thirty is young and you have much life to lead. Good luck.

Jesus. Get therapy, you've endured years of abuse. It doesn't matter what you look like, no-one should treat you that way. Therapy will help.

As pp have said, you are still young. The rest of your life can be brilliant. Start therapy. Don't have surgery.

Go through your wardrobe, old and new. Try on every garment. Ask 'Is it comfortable?' 'Do I feel happy in it?' 'Am I happy to be seen in it?' If the answer to any of those is 'No', then pop it in a bin bag or charity bag and get rid. Only ever have clothes you love to wear.

Have lovely stuff to use in the bath or shower. And make your bed a nest, a haven where you can be totally comfortable and happy.

Do things you want to do - you can go to the theatre, cinema, concerts alone, there's no need to find some miserable 'friend' to go with.

Identify happy moments and bank them. Any happiness. I start from 'Am I in pain? Do I have a roof over my head?' and bank that happiness... more follows. The same with compliments, positive responses and positive comments. You're tuned in to the negative because you've had so much and felt it so deeply. There will be positives, but you're currently not noticing. Bank the positives, disregard the negatives.

Your positive attitude will build, your self-confidence will grow, people will notice. Your future is going to be so much happier. Go for it.