Help me be confident & stop needing reassurance!

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi all
Been with DP since may, i had a previous abusive (emotional, verbal, financial) marriage. Im happy & much more confident than i was & feel like me again (if that makes sense). However, i keep asking dp if we are ok, if he is happy etc. I know im going to drive him away asking these things, hes told me many times hes happy & wouldnt be with me otherwise. Hes also told me im driving him mad asking & hes not my ex. Im really trying to be more confident, hes a lovely man & makes me really happy. However i worry im not good enough - i think this comes from years of being told im not! Anyway, what can i do to stop myself hitting the self destruct button on my relationship? All advice appreciated.i dont want to ruin what is otherwise a good relationship.

Is there anyway you could see a therapist about how you see yourself and the effects of your past abusive relationship. Also when the urge takes you to ask dp if he's happy and the relationship is ok, can you try and flip it and ask yourself if you're happy, or what small thing can you change to make you feel better. Even if its just a case of taking 5 mins out to wash your hair, exfoliate, put make up on etc

Thank you, trying to flip it is a good plan. Yes i can ask for counselling through work - thats a good idea,

I think sometimes these behaviours can literally just be a habit not a deep seated issue. You could try setting yourself small targets - you won't ask him either of those questions for a day, then a week. Try to break the knee jerk habit of asking.

CBT might work well for this, I learned how to manage agoraphobia in 6 sessions, and 6 months later it was like it had never happened. I also managed to work out how it had happened in the first place.

Thank you both, yes i do think part of it is habitual. I will look into cbt too,