Met a guy online few months ago and we clicked. He chased me lots, texts dates and compliments. However I don’t feel he is invested as me now as it’s all slowed down. We had a chat last month and agreed to be exclusive. But something is bothering me about the chat. He said he was not ready to be 100% committed. I pressed him on this and he said moving in together and spending all our time together. For me 100% committed is exclusivity.
Background - We are both late 30s, busy life's and try to see each other 1/2 times a week. He has a teenage child I have not met, who seems to be going through the terrible teens with an attitude problem. She stays over twice a week and alternative weekends. So I don’t see or hear from him much on those days. He is a teacher and also started his own business. We live 40 miles away and mostly communicate via text. I work long hours and have hobbies and an active social life and no kids. But we try to make time - mostly round his childcare.
His past relationships have always been with people with kids and seemed dysfunctional. Moving in within a few months, Very codependent and spending every waking minute with each other. He admitted he lost contact with friends, family and at times his relationship with his child suffered. I am the opposite, rather get to know someone, maintain my friends and no kids. At the start of our relationship he said he has enjoyed reconnecting with people and won’t lose his friends again - he realised he needed a life outside of a relationship. I agreed
Up till the chat, he seemed disinterested- like I was a fling. He still made time but never planned in advance our dates - business, kid and friends priority. We mostly communicate via daily texts, but at times he never reads them, even when active online. He mostly travels to see me. He works in my city, so travels to work, goes home to feed cats and then comes to mine - 120 miles travel in a day which I feel is a lot of it’s a fling.
I initiated the chat as was feeling insecure. He said he liked me and admitted being independent in a relationship was new to him and he may have gone too independent. He liked our dynamic and taking things slow was something he needed to do, as hurt in the past. He said he had not dated anyone since our 1st date. He apologised as didn’t realise I felt that way, now we plan better.
However, I feel I am moving down the priority list. He has been busy selling at markets this weekend and not communicating much. That’s fine as it’s his business, it’s important. But today, we had evening plans For him to stay over, initiated by him and he delayed them. He texted to say he has his kid later than planned today had lots of business orders, so can we do tomorrow instead.
Last week he said his cars ongoing fault appeared again. Last time it appeared he cancelled our date and didn’t reschedule or say sorry. I thought he was making excuses again, but he said we could still met if I went to his. I ended up watching tv, chatting to him as he did business. Not quality time. He apologised lots for working and said not ideal, but due to our schedules we won’t see each other for ages and he wanted to see me.
So today’s text I replied that’s fine, which he Has not acknowledged. No point getting huffy, but it’s annoying. I feel I am down his priority list, will never be up there. He has family coming across from abroad ins few weeks and no mention of us meeting.
I understand His kid is top priority and his business will be busy for Xmas. However how can we develop a relationship if he is always so busy. It seemed he upped his game after the chat and now going back to habits. Am I right to feel I am not important in his life, like a fling? Or should I understand he is busy and appreciate that he plans may change due to childcare? Conflicted.