To wrap or not to wrap?

[66Fire]

Nc as this is rediculous!

DP has thrown a grumpy strop today as i asked him to wrap some christmas presents to get them sorted for under the tree and ultimately out of my way. Theyre presents he has bought for me.

Turns out he hates wrapping. Thinks he is dreadful at it. A meltdown ensued over his abilities. 2 presents in out of 8 he gave up in a huff and stormed out the room, accusing me of laughing at him. I didnt. I smiled in his direction in encouragement.

He does this occassionally if there is a task to complete... he will feel insecure in his abilities (Usually compared to me) and get on edge. Accuse me of laughing (I never have laughed at him, i can see he is stressed out and im not cruel).
I hate the accusations of laughing at him, it makes him sound crazy. Ive tried to explain this when he has calmed down, to which he says he doesnt understand why he gets so stressed or says these things. He doesn'tknow why he feels so insecure in his abilities for silly things, like wrapping presents, cooking, or washing up for example. Always compared to me. Im certainly no wonder woman but do quietly and effortlessly get on with things.

Any one else come across similar with their DP? Any tips on how to stop it or prevent it?

He is lovely the rest of the time. He doesnt throw things or put me down, its always just about what hes doing. It passes in about half hour then hes back to his normal affectionate calm self.

op congrats on cracking code, sounds like he has some ishoos to work out, childhoods are a bloomin' mine field. Hopefully he will be open to talking therapy as suggested

@Whiteroverbaby considering its become clear this is triggering distressing "ishoo" for ops dp and not intentional childish behaviour dismissing it as "childish" is the equivalent of dismissing a woman as frigid for refusing sex because she has "ishoos" she needs help with. The pendulum swings both ways, my dear.

OMG we had this exact argument last year. I obviously (being the woman in the relationship ) order all the gifts and use my brain to consider what to get people etc.

I asked him to wrap the gifts in the run up to Christmas so he wasn’t doing it all on Christmas Eve and what a row we had. Oh my goodness. He hates being asked to something RIGHT NOW.

@PiggyFudding - yes thanks, my concern was with the emotional side to be honest, it can be bloody draining as other PPs have said. But I think we will make progress now.

And no he doesnt like being asked to do things NOW but im not sure any man does!! They do love their own terms. It was more the "Im not good enough" stuff that was concerning me as its so irrational. But it does seem to link well to his childhood.

As soon as i said to him earlier "Did your dad used to pressure you to win (At the sport he ended up pro in)" he immediately said "YES and i vividly remember him growling and sneering at me if he thought i had failed or not achieved what he deemed acceptable, i was forever trying to live up to his expectations". Imagine that for 20 years of your childhood and young adult life. BAM its all obvious now. Of course thats affected him.

He’s got another 23 days to buy a gift bag, he should manage to throw them in there without too much trouble. Under the bed, on top of the wardrobe, up the loft is where Christmas presents should be on 1st December. (Or in the shop)

@PiggyFudding
I am starting to learn on MN the certain people twists your reply and creates a whole other scenario. he doesn't want to wrap presents.

Look up and research complex ptsd. This is continuous trauma caused during childhood , and it he probably has it due to his father constantly pushing him.
His mother may well have caused him problems too, and he may be enmeshed with her, especially if he is an only child.

Look on YouTube for Richard Grannon he talks about Complex ptsd.

Good luck!

OP - you may have unearthed the issue but it is far from sorted. It’s not that easy to undo decades and decades of intense negative abusive parenting - he must have had his Dad in his face and in his head 24/7 as a child if he was pushing him through sport - and that is still deeply entrenched now. He really could do with some very expert therapy because this is insidiously corrosive and causing him to underachieve and fail in his work and RS. But this can be corrected once and for all.