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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How can he be so cruel?

30 replies

Fairycake2 · 01/12/2019 11:46

My DH of 4 years (together 7) just upped and left 3 weeks ago saying he couldn't be a step parent anymore and found my DD (age 9) annoying. I hoped it was only temporary and we would work things out but he's since made it clear (by text) that he doesn't want to. Since then I've heard nothing from him, although he will respond to my messages about the house. The last time I spoke to him I was in floods of tears and although I'm a lot more over that stage, he's not even asked if I'm ok. He's suffering with depression but I still don't understand how he can switch his feelings off so easily and not even seem to care about me any more. How do I learn to accept that just doesn't give a shit any more and start to move on? Luckily we don't have a DC together so I won't need to stay in touch

OP posts:
Thehouseintheforest · 01/12/2019 21:09

Sorry for some reason it looked like my post had not posted when it had.. please ignore the duplicate

Thehouseintheforest · 01/12/2019 21:11

Do you not have to be married for marriage counselling?

Maybe not but the title suggests that the couple had made a degree of commitment that is absent in a cohabitating relationship. ?

PositiveVibez · 01/12/2019 22:28

He tried - yes for 7 years. Ingratiating himself into dd's life from the age of 2

He doesn't like it - it doesn't take someone 7 years to realise this

It doesn't make him happy - would have been helpful if he had have told OP years earlier before moving in together and becoming a step-parent to someone who probably looks on him as a father-figure

He has done the right thing - blaming a 9 year old for leaving a relationship is not the right thing. He could have just said it's not working.

He should be praised not vilified as I expect he really does love the OP but not the package she comes with. Making this a very difficult and brave thing to do - yes. What an absolute prince among men.

TheBlueStocking · 02/12/2019 08:43

Unfortunately, yes, he does have the right to leave. And he does have the right to leave for this reason.

But best rid of a man who would leave for that reason.

ShatnersWig · 02/12/2019 08:50

I suspect this has been coming a long time. It's probably a contributing factor in his depression, knowing things aren't right, step parenting isn't for him, living with another child when he sees his much less often.

Yes, it's upsetting for you and your DD but as others have said, everyone has the right to leave a relationship if it doesn't make them happy.

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