Tips please for dealing with socially clueless colleague

[Kazziepooes]

Hi all,

I’m struggling to deal with a socially awkward colleague who just constantly talks to me about others in the team, claim ludicrous things like she doesn’t like reading emails / instructions despite this being key to the job we do. I’d been on holiday & she ambushed me during lunchtime after not meeting for circa 12 days and didn’t ask me how I am and gabbled on about nonsense (won’t go into details as it’s boring). I was actually quite hurt by her uncaring behaviour & have taken a dislike to her. Is it acceptable just to ignore her as far as I can as I’d explain why I’m annoyed to her but she wouldn’t understand, clueless & totally full of self-interest.
I’m so annoyed and so am asking for tips on dealing with this please lovely people.

talks to me about others in the team, claim ludicrous things like she doesn’t like reading emails / instructions despite this being key to the job we do

You need to go to HR and/or line management about those two things.

One is conduct issue and could be bullying behaviour.

The other is a performance or behaviour issue, it’s up to them to sort out.

Both put the business at risk, if they need persuading to act.

The lunch thing, while annoying, as a one-off won’t bother the management but if it’s continuous behaviour then it’s worth bringing up.

You acknowledge that she’s socially awkward, but then describe her as uncaring because she didn’t ask how you are. Some people just don’t do social connectedness, and don’t understand that social niceties are the oil to help smooth along interpersonal relationships. See it as a trait she had. It’s not a personal slur, and there’s no need to take a dislike to her for it.

That said, she’s just a colleague, and you’re not obliged to listen to her rambling.

Work on techniques to bring the conversation back to relevant work issues, or just close the conversation down. Be busy with your work. Respond with “oh, I really must get back to work” and other variants until she targets someone else.

Raise it with your line manager only if you’ve made a good effort to close it down, and it doesn’t work.

Don’t go to HR.

Thank you, both of you for your input; it’s really helpful.

I can be a bit guilty of this. I have aspergers (not suggesting she does - just to give you some insight) and it just doesn't occur to me.

I'm in my 40s now and I've 'learnt' that there are things I'm supposed to do (like asking someone how they are) but I often wont remember until after I've finished my ramble and have to ask then after the fact.

It's not that I'm uncaring - I do care very much, I just don't have a need for, or get, a lot of the 'social dance' stuff that seems so important to NTs. If I want to tell someone something, I will do and I expect others to do the same. I'm still not realy sure why people feel the need to wait to be asked or why they dont just make their own contribution to conversation if they have something to say.

I wouldnt be offended if someone pointed out to me that I was dominating conversation with my own stuff. I'd far rather be told than experience what I did when I was younger which was people taking a dislike to me or just telling me I was boring.

Also, if you dont want to talk to her, just tell her that you don't want to have that conversation and then either walk away or change the conversation.

If you sit there listening to her ramblings, she probably assumes you are happy to do so. You need to tell her that you're not.

I'm still not realy sure why people feel the need to wait to be asked or why they dont just make their own contribution to conversation if they have something to say.

I'm NT and feel like this too.