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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

She went cold after sleeping together, sends confusing messages

15 replies

murdoc · 30/11/2019 20:42

I have been seeing this girl for the last 4 weeks (we met in a dating app). Everything was going fine first 2 weeks, we went out twice, had long conversations and ended up having sex after our 3rd date. We had 2 bottles of wine that night so sex wasn't the best but we ended up cuddling and kissing until the morning. She was very enthusiastic the next few days, exchanging lots of texts and she asked me to go and watch a movie but cancelled last minute due to work. She kept apologizing and arranged another date for 2 days later, but also cancelled last minute due to work!

I kept it cool and asked her to reschedule again when she is less busy, but I also asked her if she is actually interested. She said yes with a very long reply, saying things are crazy at work, but our texting rate slowed down after that (I was also away for work that week). Still, we agreed to go for dinner last Wednesday in a restaurant, I made the reservation, only to find out 1h before our date that she is not coming.

Again she replied with a long text, that her personal life is complicated, she said she was going to text me the night before but her mind went blank as she feels too close to me etc. And asked me to meet for coffee to talk more in person. I was pretty angry but sent her a calm text, asking her to pick the time and the cafe and i'll be there. It has been 3 days now and she hasn't responded. I know that she broke up 2 months ago and her ex was still around. I know this is ridiculous but I want to speak to her again. Should I just wait or send her another text to meet?

OP posts:
Tatty101 · 30/11/2019 20:45

Sounds like she isnt ready after her previous split tbh. Sorry.

Moonbaby321 · 30/11/2019 21:25

I think if it was me I would wait. Give her some space and let her get in touch.
I can tell you're crazy about her but you deserve someone who is 100% confident and happy to be with you, and if she isn't sure then she's not for you

NoWeAreNotNearlyThereYet · 30/11/2019 21:39

I think you may be her rebound. A lot of people end relationships and think they're ready for a new one. Sadly they aren't and it can end up hurting and disappointing the people at the other end of it, like you.

TheLittleBrownFox · 30/11/2019 21:42

Life is too short. She's unavailable, for whatever reason. I'd move on.

daisychain01 · 30/11/2019 21:57

I would have called it a day after she did the first long rambling excuse and the cancelled restaurant. She's just messing you around.

murdoc · 30/11/2019 22:45

Yeah but why do you think she accepts (even offers) to meet and flakes last minute? And then sends these longs confusing texts? I don't think she is just trying to be polite

OP posts:
Bellaxx8 · 30/11/2019 23:05

Could she be meeting up with her ex again?

Jane1978xx · 30/11/2019 23:17

So in total you’ve met her 3 or 4 times ? You weren’t committed or in a relationship. She may be seeing other people

Sadiesnakes · 30/11/2019 23:22

She's not interested mate.
She should just have the balls to be straight about it, but thems the breaks..

TheLittleBrownFox · 01/12/2019 07:09

Yeah but why do you think she accepts (even offers) to meet and flakes last minute? And then sends these longs confusing texts? I don't think she is just trying to be polite

Who knows? What you do know is that she's flaky as hell. Save yourself the heartache of getting any more attached and move on, find somebody who honours their word.

BitOfFun · 01/12/2019 07:14

Oh god, not you again...

90schic · 01/12/2019 07:17

Yeah I think probably best to leave it OP. She’s not interested. Just move on. If you like her, leave the door open for her to come back when she sorts her personal shit out

daisychain01 · 01/12/2019 07:57

Yeah but why do you think she accepts (even offers) to meet and flakes last minute? And then sends these longs confusing texts? I don't think she is just trying to be polite

So despite her flakiness, you still want to see her again.

Fine but be prepared for a heap of shit, hanging around, putting your social life on hold, with her binning you off at a moment's notice.

It's the easiest thing in the world to send a meaningless email to someone you have zero emotional investment in. It's just words in an email over the ether. It means nothing, effort is negligible. It's down to you as an autonomous human being how you decide to deal with that.

Ignore reality and continue to live in cloud cuckoo land.

Or get real and bin this timewaster from your life. Just don't contact her again, and ignore her. Move on.

daisychain01 · 01/12/2019 07:59

She doesn't want to end things because it's a nice ego boost knowing she's got someone she can reel in at a moment's notice. Minimum investment, maximum entertainment.

Narcissistic1 · 01/12/2019 08:15

Cut it and run she is playing games. Plenty of other women around.

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