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Original poster

Shall I go on this date?

32 replies

WhatToDo122 · 30/11/2019 19:33

I recentlyish (about 5 months ago) got out of a long term relationship. I was with the guy since I was a teenager and now I'm pushing 30.

I'm not really looking to date atm but I went to a concert on my own (pretty sad I know but I really wanted to go and none of my friends could go with me) and I got chatting to a guy there. We spoke quite a bit and at the end he asked for my number which I gave him.

He's text me asking if I want to go see something at the cinema with him next week. I'm assuming this is a "date" although nothing really has been mentioned.

He seemed like a really nice guy and I'd like to see him again, I'm just not sure I'm ready for another relationship so soon so I'm not sure what to do.

I've not really dated before so I don't know how this works!

Any advice?

OP posts:
sadladytoday · 30/11/2019 19:34

I would go! What have u got to lose? If anything you've made a friend. Just be honest you don't want anything serious 🤷🏻‍♀️

ysmaem · 30/11/2019 19:36

Go and see how it goes.

Lighteninginabottle27 · 30/11/2019 19:37

You could always go and see how you feel afterwards?
I remember when my marriagebended and i was newly single and a similar proposition came up. I rang my best friend in a bit of a panic and she said don't feel like you have to just because it's nice to be asked. I remember that and I felt like I had permission almost to put myself first. I guess I'd spent so many years always considering someone else's expectations subconsciously it becomes second nature.

chocolatelover9 · 30/11/2019 19:39

Go and enjoy yourself. Let him know you've not long ago got out of a long term relationship so aren't looking for nothing at the moment. Have fun :)

Original poster
WhatToDo122 · 30/11/2019 19:46

These may all sound like really stupid questions but I'm going to go ahead and ask.

I'm right in assuming this is a date right?
When do I tell him I'm recently out of a relationship? Before the date via text? In person during the date? I feel like I'm jumping the gun a bit because I'm not certain what this intentions are.

OP posts:
AnuvvaMuvva · 30/11/2019 19:50

You don't have to tell him you got out of a long relationship five months ago. Five minutes ago, maybe, or five days. But five months is ages...

You are overthinking. Just ho and have a nice time, like it was another woman or a male friend asking you out somewhere.

bluebell94 · 30/11/2019 19:53

Go and enjoy yourself! Smile
I personally wouldn't tell him, maybe afterwards if you want to. Just go and see how you feel Smile

Jiggles101 · 30/11/2019 20:54

Fucking hell, he's asked to to the cinema not to marry him!

You don't need to tell him anything, just go if you want to and if you don't then don't.

afterme · 30/11/2019 20:56

I wouldn’t tell him anything at the moment. Don’t worry if it’s a date or not, just go to the cinema with him!

fluffygal · 30/11/2019 20:59

Definitely go! Just enjoy the evening, it may lead to something, it may be a nice friendship, you may never see each other again.

leolion81 · 30/11/2019 21:21

You are massively jumping the gun. You will soon learn in today's dating world that a date rarely leads to a relationship!
He doesn't need to know your relationship history either before or on the first date.
You might not click on the date like you did at the gig.
He might decide not to take it further after the date.
You might get on great and decide sod it youll go against your initial reluctance and pursue things.
Anything could happen, that's the point of a first date. It's not the first day of a relationship, just a date. Chill.

justilou1 · 30/11/2019 21:33

Why not consider it “hiring a new friend” and see how you go? I did that. 17 years, 3 kids and a dog ago.

ArkAtEee · 30/11/2019 21:41

Just by-the-by, I often go to concerts on my own and I'm married, it's not sad at all. You sound like you're still trying to find yourself after coming out of that long relationship, follow your heart and do the things you enjoy without putting yourself down.

Chocmallows · 30/11/2019 21:45

He is asking you on a date to see if you get on, not proposing marriage, so go as you are interested in him.

Think about it as a fun interview, ask questions and tell him about you. If it all goes well meet up again. If he says something you don't like you really aren't committed to going out again.

MajesticWhine · 30/11/2019 21:46

I would assume it's a date yes. But it is just a trip to the cinema. No need to mention your relationship situation yet. Just don't think ahead too much.

NightsOfCabiria · 30/11/2019 21:49

Yes its a date. No, he doesnt want to have a relationship with you. If the relationship board is anything to go by, he’ll ghost you after three dates if you dont sleep with him.

I’m not kidding. Grin

Original poster
WhatToDo122 · 30/11/2019 22:04

I've got a lot to learn! I didn't lie when I said I have no idea how this works 😂

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 30/11/2019 22:32

Do go, it sounds nice and civilised. That's how people often met for the first time before the days of the internet.

Have some fun.

MrsNoMopp · 30/11/2019 22:44

It's a first date, which is as "early days" as it gets. There's really no need to ask him if it's a date (yes, it is), launch into your relationship history etc. There might be a second date sometime, there might not. Go to the cinema, have a chat as before, just enjoy it.

MrsNoMopp · 30/11/2019 22:48

"That's how people often met for the first time before the days of the internet."

Grin Yep - I remember that. Long ago, in the olden days, 'twas how it was done.

Meggymoo777 · 01/12/2019 03:27

Go for it girl... even the wording of your posts screams that you hope we'll all tell you 'Go for it!'. Go have fun... you're under no obligation but to enjoy his company... and if you're not enjoying his company then leave. But GO... have fun! (Please update!🤞🏻)

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/12/2019 10:15

Just as an aside, you need to learn that doing things by yourself - like going to gigs - isn't 'sad'. It's what people do when they aren't coupled up, that's all! You don't have to be in a couple to leave the house and do things!

Just see how you get on with this guy.

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/12/2019 10:16

In other words, exactly what ArkAtEe said above (resolves to read the thread properly next time...)

Startingoveragain1 · 01/12/2019 10:35

Im reading your post smiling to myself! This is too cute! Lol go and enjoy the movie! You dont need to tell him anything. It doesnt matter whether its a date or not. Lovely guy asked u to the movies: have fun! Full stop! What will be will be Smile

WideAwakeInTheMiddleOfTheNight · 01/12/2019 10:44

It's not sad to go anywhere on your own!

Some people view it as dating yourself for a while and it's actually really healthy to be able to do those things rather than feeling like you cant because you have no one to go with.

As you have discovered, sometimes you meet people along thebway. This is also good because he already knows you are the sort of woman who values herself and her own time; who is independent and not waiting around for a man (or anyone else) to pick you up and rescue you from your sad, lonely life of solitude.

5 months is a reasonable amount of time to be out of a relationship and go on a date with someone else - esp as you have met him quite organically and ot because you have been desperately scouring online dating sites in order to fill a void in your life.

So, yes, it's a dare and I agree with the others that you dont need to tell him anything about your relationship history at this stage. It might come out in conversation but you don't 'owe' him any explanation or justification - after all, you dont know anything about him either.