Guy friend is seeing, red flags

[Phoenixxx]

He was in an 8 year relationship that ended last month. They have been talking for about 3-4 weeks and have had 2 dates, with the 3rd one due next week.
She says she thinks this is the one and that it's love.
What concerns me is that he's sent her a link for a holiday offer to the US NEXT JULY.

They have only had 2 dates, she says it's love and he's trying to plan a holiday for 8 months' time ?

Maybe i'm just bitter as nobody wants me but i'm genuinely worried my friend will get hurt. After an 8 year relationship he's straight back in there and my friend has been hurt a lot. Like me, she falls quickly but something doesn't seem right with this guy. Any thoughts ?

I feel like I should warn her but I don't wanna come across as raining on her parade or cynical.
Ive had friends warn me before, I ignored it and wished they would have been happy for me, and they ended up being right about the guys.

He split from somebody 7-8 weeks ago and he's been on 2 dates with your friend.

You're completely right on this one OP. Chances are he's lovebombing her.

Look at the Red Flags thread. His ex was probably a psycho - that's why he was with her for 8 years.

It is, of course, None Of Your Business but I'd warn her.

Yeah, she only moved out of their shared home last month apparently.

Yeah, apparently he is 'the happiest he's ever been' since he split up with her 🙄

I will see how it pans out but it does seem like lovebombing.

She's well aware how fast this is moving. So pointing that out is a waste of time.

What doesn't seem right? That he's rebounding? That's not a crime.

You can always tell her what you think if you are worried. However, your friend has been hurt before, I'm sure she knows she is repeating past mistakes like jumping straight in. I really don't see how pointing out to her what she already knows will change anything though.

This is her pattern with relationships and only she can change that.

I wouldn't get involved. It can happen - I was with my ex for six years and it wasn't a very happy relationship, he ended it and two weeks later was in a relationship with a new girl and they've already been together a year and seem happy. I also met someone new after two months and we are expecting a baby together. Maybe warn her but don't force it down her throat, because you never know...

Love bomber?! Future faking?

Is she vulnerable to making decisions out of fear, obligation and a misplaced sense of duty?

I remember, first red flag of my x, I met him in September and he made me feel bad that I went home to see my family in December!! Even though he had his own family! So yes, if she is being MADE to feel that she owes it to him to consider his needs and feelings after TWO dates, that is seriously worrying!

What do you do though?? Can you post articles about fear, obligation and duty?

Elephant Journal have an article about lovebombing, might be worth posting that, with the intention that she would see it?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3755678-Dating-red-flags

my friend has been hurt a lot. ... she falls quickly but something doesn't seem right with this guy.

It's to do with boundaries.
At best, he is on the rebound, but I'd guess that there is a backstory.

I'd tell her straight.

Yes, absolutely, approach it neutrally OP, talk about boundaries with her.

lovebombing, a seductive but manipulative technique

3 stages of abuse

Shifting blame, fear, obligation, shame

Thanks for the replies.
Yes I guess you are right, rebounding is not a crime, I just worried it might be lovebombing and don't want her to get hurt again.
She has said that she will go after 2-3 more dates, even after 5 dates I wouldn't be booking a holiday abroad for 8 months' time but I hope things work out for her.

I know you care for and are worried but I honestly wouldn't tell her. She'll see you as the woman who's trying to destroy her happiness. Let her be and just be there for her when if it falls apart.

How do you know she isnt the one doing the love bombing?

Surely you could claim he is the vulnerable one, just come our lf a long relationship. Just starting to date.

Sounds like they are both moving far too fast, both might get hurt.

I fail to see how this must be just him with red flags.

Well, he's insane isn't he.

Ask her, why would she willingly and regularly get into a car at night with an insane man? Let him into her home? Because that's what she's doing. It's like the opening 5 mins to a lifetime movie.

True, I guess i'm putting it on him because he's only just out of a relationship.
I do not want to be seen as ruining her happiness, and it's her choice I guess but I hope she doesn't get hurt.

Not gonna lie, even if I liked the guy and thought there would be potential, if he asked me to book a holiday for almost a year later after 2 dates I would honestly think he's bananas.

Honestly I would just stay out of it and just be there if she needs you. There are no guarantees in any relationship no matter the circumstances. You might just get shot being the messenger.

But you aren't her. There are many things my friends would do but I wouldn't. What's the worst that can happen re the holiday?

If she's happy, leave her be. He's done nothing wrong but overinvest and it sounds like your friend often does the same.

He may have been very unhappy in his relationship for a long time and is thrilled to be with someone.

The thing is, he might be love coming her.

Or he may have felt shit about his break up, met someone who seems amazing and gor carried away. Just like she is doing. She could be love bombing him. I would say, just coming out of a break up, could make him more vulnerable.

The reason I say this is that I met someone really quickly after my marriage break down. He had left his wife 8 weeks before. We loves spending time together and both for carried away. Then both of us regretted it. Talked, acknowledged what had happened, ended it and became friends instead. Neither of us did anything sinister. It was just muce to be in the first flush of romance. 18 months later we have it another go and have been together 2 years. This time we took it slowly. Hevis the beat man I have ever known.

I would gently ask if she is worried its going too quick. See her reaction, if she reacts badly, quickly tell her that as long as she is happy about it, you are happy for her.

Yeah she's a fool. You can't help that. It is completely 100% obvious this is daft. Therefore you can't help. There are none so blind as those who will not see.

@MrsRomanoff, I hope that your judgement is clearer than your post.
I hope that you and Hevis your beat man have a muce future together.

@BarbeDwyer I hope you are a better person, than you appear to be on here.

I have a baby on me and yes, it's full of typos. Baby + dyslexia = bad posting sometimes.

Well done for acting like a dick though 👍