Is there a point of no return when it comes to being single?

[WrappingMakesMeHappy]

I've never managed to have a relationship. I really struggle socially. I don't like new people and I'm crap at small talk. I'm much much better when I've known someone a while though.

I particularly hate people touching me when I don't know them well. I've been on a few dates but unsurprisingly, they never go too well :( If I'm very drunk I can kiss someone. I've never done anything more than that.

Despite all that, I'm so lonely. I have a small circle of friends I've known for years but they're all married with small children and don't really have the time any more. I'd really like to have children one day.

I just keep thinking recently that I'm 32. It just all seems insurmountable. Sometimes I wonder about just getting blind drunk and going home with a man to get it over with but I know I'd never actually go through with it.

Does there come a point where you just have to accept that a relationship will never happen?

Even if you sleep with a man it doesn't mean a relationship will come out of it. Majority of the time if you sleep with a guy on a date, he assumes it's a booty call and nothing more. Either he'll never see you again or he'll string you along for sex.

You need to find a way of being in close proximity to some men over a long period of time. Eg: a college course or hobby group. At least that will give them time to get to know you.

Perhaps you should look into having some therapy?

What are your family of origin like? Do you have physical or emotional caring responsibilities?

I wish I could give you a crystal ball so you could see what lay ahead.

My only advice would be, other than being in a relationship, what else do you want to achieve. Then go and get that. Let everything else fall like leaves around you. But pick the best one.

You are a strong woman. You have the right to be successful in whatever you do.

Men do not define us. They should add value to your life.

Surround yourself with friends and family that fill your tank with love.

You will meet someone ❤️

I am just so confused with it all. I am so aware of all my shortcomings and how 'behind' I am. I can't imagine any man in his thirties who would be willing to wait for me to feel comfortable enough to hold hands never mind sleep with.

I don't know if therapy would help that. I'd be mortified about trying to talk about IRL anyway

I had a lovely childhood. No caring responsibilities at all.

Attraction and sexuality are on a spectrum OP. You might be asexual - experience sexual attraction but not the need to consummate that attraction. You might be a lesbian or even pansexual.

Have you explored your sexuality? You might not be attracted to men at all.

In the meantime, have you thought about having children in another way, say for example with a sperm donor?

I think therapy would be very helpful for you. You sound like you have some issues with intimacy and your self esteem could do with a big boost as you are very hard on yourself. Both can be easily worked on with an understanding therapist. I can understand your reluctance but this is a great opportunity to get used to practicing interacting and developing a relationship with someone new in a totally safe environment. Best wishes.

Hi OP
Have you tried OLD and made it clear youre 'shy at first until you get to know someone' and 'you're looking for friends at first to turn into something more once you've got to know each other' and waited for a gentle soul to come along and be patient with you?

If you're honest and upfront you'll be more relaxed about meeting up. Lay your cards on the table about everything and eventually someone will come along who probably feels the same. Try a variety of men in all shapes, sizes, and ages. You're looking for someone kind, patient, and gentle and theyre out there.

I found OLD a nightmare as i'm a bit chubby and found it embarrassing to meet up with people. I ended up putting my (plus) clothes size in my bio. It took so much pressure off me worrying they werent getting what they were expecting. Your shyness is the same. Its not a problem to the right person, so just put it out there. Just be honest and yourself.

P.s. DP and i met OLD after said bio update.

I like Belly's advice above. I'm quite shy and an introvert. I take a long time to let my guard down but was truthful about this in my OLD profile. I've recently met (after two years of non starters)the guy version of me. He's lovely and we totally understand each others social anxieties and I feel no pressure to jump in to bed with him. Early days but never thought it would happen for me! It's very possible it will for you. And I'm much older than you too btw

"I can't imagine any man in his thirties who would be willing to wait for me to feel comfortable enough to hold hands never mind sleep with."

There are plenty of men who are in their 30s who are shy and inexperienced too. They won't be the best looking or the most charming and will have plenty of quirks, but they are out there. They probably won't be on OLD though, as OLD tends to be very discouraging for men who aren't good looking and confident.

If you want to try OLD you'll need a thick skin, as there are an overabundance of sleazy guys. But even regular guys will probably want to try and build physical chemistry. Its a myth that everyone is having sex by the third date, but many guys will try for a kiss at the end of the first.

"shy at first until you get to know someone" and "you're looking for friends at first to turn into something more once you've got to know each other"

You'll need to a bit more subtle than this. This will scare off regular guys while sleazebags won't care.

You'll need to a bit more subtle than this. This will scare off regular guys while sleazebags won't care.

What sort of things do I need to put then?

Thank you everyone. I feel a bit calmer this morning. I was so upset last night, must be hormonal or something.

I wouldn't recommend online dating for the shy...or for those already feeling like time is running out ect...it's really pretty soul destroying.

But if you must then as above poster said, you don't want to make yourself meek online as it will only attract the predators.

Couldn't you join a class or something? Eg: a 3 hour a week college class. Maybe acting or something as it would help improve your confidence too.

For online dating hmm..
'Just tentatively looking to see what's out there' or something. Implies you are just dipping your toe in but not a mouse.

What sort of things do I need to put then?

Actually "shy at first until you get to know someone" sounds okay. You should check out some guides to OLD.

I can't see myself ever having a relationship again. That being said I do have a DC and I don't want any more so my situation is not the same as yours.

Therapy may help. I have issues relating to my father which affects my relationships with men and it took me a while to realise that.

I can't imagine any man in his thirties who would be willing to wait for me to feel comfortable enough to hold hands never mind sleep with.

Ive had several relationships in which I/we waited several months to have sex (we had a build up with more sexual contact along the way).

If they're interested and genuine, they will.

Also 32 is young.