Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Quick advice needed - 'children only' email

11 replies

RoseOfSharyn · 29/11/2019 21:49

Does this sound acceptable?

'ExH'

Please refer all future arrangements regarding the children to this email address.
I will no longer be reading or replying to text, Facebook or Whatsapp messages.

In case of emergency you may call me on 07xxx or 07xxx.

'RoseOfSharyn'

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/11/2019 22:08

Sounds fine OP. The trouble with giving him a phone number for 'Emergencies' is that it's another, quick, way of contacting you. I presume you are doing this as you want to limit the way he contacts you and keep it solely to discussing dc

WhoKnewBeefStew · 29/11/2019 22:09

I'd caveat it with, I will only reply to text or phone messages to these numbers if it is an emergency

category12 · 29/11/2019 22:12

No need for the phone number, surely?

If the contact/messages you get from him are bad enough you need to do this, is it worth getting a separate number you only turn on when he has the dc / days he's due to pick them up? (PAYG sim card)

NovemberDays · 29/11/2019 22:16

Yes, either a separate pay as you go phone number for him; or the bit about the phone number should say for emergencies related to contact arrangements only or when the DC are in your care.

He might stretch what an emergency is otherwise. Then you need to ignore anything which does not fit your definition of an emergency.

RoseOfSharyn · 29/11/2019 22:45

Sorry, didn't mean to drip feed just needed some firm advice quickly

I was with exH for 6 years. We have 3 children. I was sole carer for our children since we separated when the youngest was 3 months old. I got no support from him for years.

2 years ago I became ill. I couldn't give 3 small children what they needed whilst I was going through treatment for my illness. There was also the fact that no-one knew exactly how long it would take to recover from the illness I had, it could have been sorted with one dose of treatment, or it could have been years worth...it was up in the air.

He would say he would have the children on x-y-z days, then on the day he would let me down. I had absolutely no respite. Mostly he would refuse to have them so I was with 3 children under 4, 24/7, and ill. It ended up coming to a head....

I was under the care of several doctors and nurses due to mine and my childrens disabilities, eventually it was agreed between the ExH and SS that he would have residency until I recovered.

I got better far sooner than expected (probably in part due to the fact that I actually got a rest!) and he agreed that we could have the children 50/50.

For the last 18 months we have done this amicably, we go out together with the children at times. We have been to family events on both sides together. I have the children 3 nights but more days in the weekend, he has them 4 nights but spends literally no weekend time with them.

I looked after the children after he went away for a 'big birthday' for 5 days...he came to collect the children on the morning he was due back and went MENTAL. I was assaulted in front of my kids (who are now old enough to realise what he is doing) and screamed at.

He is now messaging me through FB, Whatsapp and Text abusing me, AGAIN!

School have picked up on their behaviour changes. I have been openly honest about what happened. They have mentioned a child counsellor to speak with them.

I don't know what to do!! He twists everything to make it seem like my fault!

OP posts:
Weenurse · 29/11/2019 22:52

Did you report the assault to police?
DC do need help, it is good the school knows

funnylittlefloozie · 29/11/2019 22:59

Why is he still able to contact you via social media? Did you not contact the police after he attacked you in front of your small children?

champagneandfromage50 · 30/11/2019 08:13

You block him on what’s app etc. That is a very easy thing to do. I would also keep a record of his abusing and speaki to the police if you haven’t done so already. I would assume you reported the assault?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/11/2019 08:29

Report him to the police and keep
ALL messages he sends to you.

PicsInRed · 30/11/2019 10:08

I looked after the children after he went away for a 'big birthday' for 5 days...he came to collect the children on the morning he was due back and went MENTAL

Has he been involved with drugs? That sounds rather "drugsy" to me.

It's also possible he wants back out of acting responsibilities and he's trying to frighten you into blocking access so he can play the victim:

"She won't let me see my babies" 😭😢 ... 🤔

Did you report the assault? If not, do so now and do make a formal statement as this will hold more weight in any child proceedings.

Is the 50/50 arrangement going to continue to work for both you and for the children?

Thehop · 30/11/2019 10:17

Did you report to the police?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page