Hi
Just some advice and guidance. I have been with my partner for over 12 years. I have three children, 27, 23 and 12. My 27 lives at home and my 12-year-old daughter is co-parented. My partner has two daughters 26 and 19 who live away at their own house and university.
The problem is the eldest, she has never liked me as she blames me for her mum and dad splitting up. Her mum was not happy in the marriage and we met and that was it. She left her husband and out of respect we did not start anything until then. My life was also a bit complicated.
She has always been rude to me and dismissive, even being a typical teenager to her mum. She was not happy that I got on with my ex-wife (mum of my boys) and my daughter's mum. She would be very rude and when my partner went through a very bad stage she nearly lost her house. We decided that while her children were at home we would not live together, however, at that time she felt she could never stay at my house because of her daughter. She was always involved and invited and included. She separated from her boyfriend at to my shock, she confided in me and talked and I was over the moon. Luckily they got back together which is when it all started again.
When her daughters moved out she moved in with me, so it was me, her youngest and my 12-year-old. When her eldest came around she was like a mood vacuum, sitting there with a long face, moping, talking like the victim, generally dragging the mood down. She messaged her mum and said she could not cope with the fact that her mum and dad had split up and that it still upsets her, I was firmly the center of blame.
My partner does not like confrontation and we argue. I wanted to set the record straight so I spoke to her. She was very rude, I put my point across and we left with what I thought was a resolution that we would muddle along.
My partner has never told her children off, even when they need it, they turn on the tears and she folds. I am ex-military and if my children step out of line, they get the big boom voice and then it is forgotten.
The daughter has been quite candid that her mum deserves better and that I am only after her money (proceeds of the house sale) despite her mum living with me. Apparently, because I don't work (i am a retired policeman on a nice pension, I work from home and home school my autistic daughter three days a week) that I am taking advantage of her mum. Also that I am controlling her mum (apparently because I studied hypnotherapy I have her under mind control).
So I decided that it is best she does not cross over into our lives until she can be nice. So we had another chat and she said her mum wasn't happy and she would get between us. Two weeks later on Valentine's day, a card arrived for my partner from a mystery admirer.
She is getting married in April, I was not sure about going, because it would be awkward, especially for the ex-husband. However, I have not been invited, which saves me buying a suit. This has upset my partner because she feels that her daughter won't ever accept me.
Am I right to feel angry at this girl, who keeps told me that she loves her mum more than she loves herself, that she wants her mum to be happy, tells people I am a bad person? But then when my partner was recovering from surgery only made the effort to see her twice in six weeks. I do not suffer fools gladly and because of that I have said enough is enough. My partner has said she does not want it to affect us.
Is this normal in families? Do people behave like this still and should I just do as my children say and just forget all about her.....Phew....If you got to end you get a cuppa.....