I miss having sex

[PerfectionistProcrastinator]

Does anyone else suffer with uti after sex?

Just want a bit of a moan really. DP and I have been together for nearly 5 years. I’ve always had on/off problems with uti after sex but we used condoms at the beginning of our relationship for about 2 years and I never had a uti during that time. Since then and trying for a baby, I get uti if we have sex more than once within a few days.

Yes I pee after sex, wash before and after, tried d-mannose and do all the other prevention methods. Yes we use lube, not a fertility one as they contain parabens. We use an organic one with sperm friendly ph levels.

Anyway, aside from the trying to conceive I’m just feeling really fed up. I’ve considered posting this for a while but never bothered.

I really shy away from sex with DP. Neither of us have a high drive anyway but due to my problems we have sex maybe once a month when trying (and use self insemination the other days in my fertile period). When we do have sex all I can think about is it not going on too long so that I don’t get an infection...hoping my bladder will be full enough after for a decent wee, then spending the next few hours drinking loads.

It makes me really sad that spontaneous sex is off the cards and I can’t just relax and enjoy it. I read about other people having a healthy sex live with their partner and I feel so sad that we can’t just have that.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I miss the closeness that sex brings. Anyone else in the same boat?

@madparrotlady12 is yours always caused by sex? Or other things too? I honestly get quite anxious at the idea of having to have sex due to this now. It’s so horrible. I should be wanting to, not fearful at the idea!

Sounds like the lube could be the problem

Sounds like the lube could be the problem

It’s not the lube. Sex for 2 years relying on lube and no infection. Sex using fertility lubes (which contain parabens) or even trying without lube (which I find uncomfortable) results in infection. The one we are using at the moment is only because it is sperm friendly. Normal lube kills sperm and we are trying to conceive. Current lube contains nothing that should be avoided.

I’m already resistant to one type and that is scary.

Sorry, just have to pull this one up. You can't be resistant to antibiotics, unless you are a bacterium. If you are carrying a resistant bacterial species, your GP should be working to get rid of it. I used to get regular UTI after sex, and taking an antibiotic after sex was the only thing that fixed it.

I didn’t think it was possible to get rid of a resistant bacterial species? When I google the antibiotic in question a google result says “Trimethoprim resistance in England is now at 28.6% of E. coli urine isolates, compared with only 2% for nitrofurantoin”.

I’m glad taking an antibiotic works for some but I won’t be doing it myself. Aren’t we told that overuse is dangerous? It sounds as though if you stopped doing that, infections would return. So it stops an infection from taking hold, but I wouldn’t describe it as a fix.

Maybe it’s the lube, even thou it’s organic it still may not agree with you.
Go back to the Tesco one, which as you say as no nasties in? And you didn’t get a uti with when your ovulating then use condom when your not. You need to get some confidence back,

You’ve also got yourself into a vicious circle of worry, because it’s happened a few times now you’ve ended up with a uti.
I know it’s easy said than done, especially if you think your going to be in pain after.
I second a good pro biotic get some good bacteria into you.

Your obviously still young op, you need to try and get it sorted you can’t go on like this.
What about a urologist? I’m sure they would get to the bottom of your problem.

Really hope you find a solution, Good luck

Ahh this is awful, I used to suffer from this a lot during unprotected sex (didn't when using condoms) and it made me really reluctant for a while too. Thankfully I found D mannose really worked for me, it's a shame it hasn't for you. Weird suggestion..not sure if it would work, but could you maybe use condoms and just cut part of the tip off?

Unfortunately they no longer make the Tesco’s lube. Typical! I’ve used others in the past too with no problems. If it were the lube I think I’d get it every time. But it’s only when we do it more than once in a few days. The lube we use now is the only one I can find that is parabens and glycerin free that is sperm friendly. It seems fine.

Good point about the probiotic. I will order myself some of those. And will also be buying some condoms for when I’m not ovulating.

I’ve seen a specialist in the past who did a load of tests and found no cause other than some women are just prone. I think I will have to bite the bullet and be brave and if I still keep getting them, ask to be referred.

When I met DP I remember thinking how good it was that I hadn’t had an infection in 2 years and thought I must have grown out of it or something! I’ve always had them since becoming sexually active at 18. Consistent condom use is all that was different. I just need to be brave and try it. But it’s no understatement to say that I am actually quite scared of sex now.

@TwinklyTwinkle wow I’m glad to see someone else had the same experience with condoms. I’ve read that they can make it worse so to read someone else thinking same as me is reassuring. I just haven’t experimented with condoms again because I’m too worried to risk it but I’m going to have to I think.

I was really surprised dmannose didn’t work. I read rave reviews. But I used tablet form and read somewhere recently powder form is more effective. And then read somewhere else that it might stop you from conceiving! So I feel like I can’t bloody win!

I used to have recurrent UTI's that got so bad that in one year alone, I had 36 infections. I ended up going to see a private gynae as my gp was anything but helpful and the gynae said that when I have sex, put Vaseline over my urethra to stop bacteria getting in.
Weird but it helped.

Another thing that helped was getting my bf at the time to wash himself before sex.

Hope this helps x

@PerfectionistProcrastinator It was so strange! I'd never suffered from them till we started TTC and then I was getting them so often and having to go to the doctors for antibiotics all the time just became a nightmare! Sex is no fun when you're just worried about the pain in could result in!

My D Mannose was in tablet form from Amazon after a colleague recommended it, and it didn't stop me conceiving because I'm now 15 weeks pregnant, but i'd definitely experiment with condoms and see if it helps! I also spent loads on Preseed fertility lube and in the end it was a £2 Asda own brand that clinched it! 😂

Could you not use a condom for the majority of the dead then remove it just before?

*deed 🙈

PerfectionistProcrastinator To be honest it was so long ago I had it done but yes, I think the urethra was stretched and in addition I had laser surgery on the bladder. From memory, the bladder sits above the vaginal wall and can be irritated by sex. I am sorry but I can't remember exactly what was done but my bladder was lasered. Maybe some medical professionals on here will know what I'm talking about.

Like I said, no problems at all since

Oh you poor soul, that sounds wretched!

I get recurrent BV after sex, condom or no condom so I sympathise! Have also had UTIs after sex in the past, normally when I’ve used lube (can’t bear the stuff now!)

Do you drink a lot of caffeinated drinks? Tea, coffee, cola all irritate the bladder. Acidic and sugary foods also play havoc.

I can understand your pain and this post is so relatable!

Since I became sexually active too, I have always had it. I was 16 the first time, and it took me ages to know what it was, as it almost became normal for me, as I questioned "did everyone get this afterwards". Not knowing what it was at that age, I felt embarrassed to go to the doctors. Eventually it got diagnosed and has been a recurrent thing for years, on off. I am now 21 and it randomly comes and goes. I have to be really conscious about what bath products I use, and how much water and alcohol I drink. Sex is also a trigger for me and I never know if I will be suffering afterwards. The amount of times I have had to restrict sex from the partner I have been with whilst recovering/on medication where doctors advise not to. It can be very frustrating for both!

I agree that even in sex, if it is going on a bit too long, I end up worrying about what it is doing to me and how I will be afterwards! Not where you want your mind to be!! With an ex, in the end I had to tell him, I can't go on any longer than X amount of time! But he knew the pain I would be in afterwards, so it wasn't like I was being unreasonable.

I also find the simple things - like hugging after sex - a pain when you have to make sure you get up to pee straight afterwards... like you just want to enjoy the moment!

Being pregnant, I still get UTIs and apparently it is common in pregnant women, so being prone to it anyway, it was inevitable!

I do miss being intimate sometimes and it would be lovely to freely have it without worrying about the consequences! The last time I had sex, it was so bad, it sent me to the hospital! So I even feel guilty for having sex sometimes as if I am inflicting pain onto myself! And it rights off my days where I am in that much discomfort, I struggle to walk and go about my day to day business and any plans that I have! It can be quite depressing. I end up spending hours in a warm bath (nothing in it) as it can be the only thing that soothes me!

It really is just trying to manage it and do all you can! Which it seems like you are doing that anyway! What if you went back to using condoms just for the times where you fancy intimacy, so you are not missing out completely? And perhaps have sex on the days you are ovulating so it is not too much and your chances of getting pregnant are higher? And the self insemination thing is a good idea so you're not missing out on those baby making chances! It might be worth going back to your doctor to have a chat and see what they suggest - recurrent UTIs are so popular, they must have some answers, advice or medication they can prescribe you to manage it. No doubt you are probably doing all those things anyway, but just thought it was worth a mention!

I find the cystitis sachets you get (cranberry flavoured mixed in water) helps to alleviate symptoms. I was even advised by a pharmacist to use them as pain relief as the symptoms are the same.

Hope this helps, even if it is knowing there are others that experience the same thing!

For me lube always causes infections even tho it says it's safe can you try over methods to get u no wet lol then to use lube

If you never got the utis when you used condoms, it sounds like it does help. Are you able to do other things, oral, maybe using toys etc so you still have a sex life? Obviously if youre in pain a lot after having sex that's awful, you can't have penetrative sex when that's the result, it's unfair to you. Sticking with self insemination and using condoms sounds like the best bet for now, as long as that works of course. It does sound like you have a fair bit of anxiety going on as well.