I still love my ex

[leafie]

I'm ashamed to admit it but I still love my ex, it's been 2 years and I'm in another relationship. It's an odd feeling, it's not that I miss our relationship I just miss him as a person and having him in my life and I suppose I forget what he was like sometimes. For a long time I blamed myself for our break up but I slowly realised there was a reason for it and it's for the best. I've come to accept a lot of things but I know deep down I still love him, I still think about him and the "what ifs". I used to want to contact him and see if he still felt the same but I've realised the best thing I can do is not have anything to do with him but I still feel the same no matter what I do, I feel as if I'll probably always feel that way about him.

Hey there. I couldn't not reply. I feel for you because I am in the same situation. I was married to my ex for 10 years and we split up. I am in a lovely relationship now but I still love and miss my ex. I don't think it's a bad thing, I think it's normal. I'm hoping that in time feelings will eventually subside.

Well you don't love your current partner so you should split with him first.

Then there is no reason you couldn't contact your ex. Or is he in a relationship too?

Couldn’t read and run OP. It’s shit. Why are our heads and hormones often such a mess and self destructive? I’m trying to walk away from a married man that treated me terribly and I was unwittingly the OW. A liar, a fraud, a shit human being and a complete narcissist. Yet no man before or since has ever made me feel the way he did and I’ll always compare new partners to him and they’re all missing something.

I feel like I have a decades long road ahead re-educating myself, learning to cope with and accepting the loss and figuring out how to not want him. I just want to die some days and only for my son, I would - thats not just because of my ex, but all the problems being involved with him caused.

Don’t be like me. Give this new relationship good go and don’t pay this any more thought. It ended for a reason.

I agree with Capricornandproud. Hormones are shit. Totally and utterly shit. Admittedly I am only 3 weeks post break up, so still raw. He left because he cant stand my kids (neither can I sometimes. I mean teenagers aren't always lovable are they ). And even though the DC are happier now hes not nagging them all the time, I still miss him desperately. I can't ever imagine not loving him.

It took me about 6 years to stop obsessing over my cheating ex. Despite the fact that he kept shagging work colleagues, I was besotted with him. Even now, 15 years after we split I will occasionally have a snoop on his FB although now it is a case of feeling smug to see that he hasn't aged well and his wife bears a striking resemblance to a horse.

I think a lot of it is remembering how good it could be (we were on a constant roller coaster of huge highs and massive lows) and mourning what might have been. When our relationship was good, it was incredible and no man since has measured up. But what I now know is that it would always have been stressful wondering if he was playing away again, dealing with his many issues and then dealing with my own issues caused by his behaviour. Quite frankly his wife is welcome to him but I never thought I would find myself saying that.

I don't see why that means I don't love my current partner, I do feel guilty and feeling that way towards my ex but I don't let it effect my relationship

And it's not that I can't contact him, I just know it wouldn't be the best idea

@leafie it is possible to love your current partner but be in love with your ex as the person he was when things were good between you. It's a different kind of love and doesn't mean that your new relationship is necessarily wrong. In fact it could be exactly why your new relationship is better, more balanced and healthier for you. It's not easy but it does get improve eventually as you begin to accept why you were so wrong for each other. One day you will be left with fond memories of your ex without the yearning for him which you currently still have.

Love doesn’t die at the end of a relationship, I fell out of love with my exH years before we divorced but I loved him for many years as a friend or as if he was my brother. even if I almost hate him these days

Important thing is to differentiate between romantic love and friendship/companionship love. I may love my exes as very good friends from the past but never in the way that I love the person I’m in love with. It is just different and NOT wrong unless you are an insecure jealous person who thinks the past of your partner needs to be annihilated so you can reign free.

I think in a way you are grieving for the relationship & love you wanted with him, the possibilities that never materialised. If you find yourself thinking of the (somewhat rosy) good times, make yourself remember the times he was an ass, annoyed you, irritated you. It may help lessen the "what ifs".

How would you feel if your current partner told you he was still in love with his ex? Thought about her every day, wondered what could have been. Would you be alright with it?

I doubt it. So why would he be?

It's not wrong to still be in love with your ex, although you should be questioning why if he wasn't nice. But being with someone else and wasting their time while you're still thinking about another man is wrong. Be single until you're over it. You know it's wrong because you feel guilty about it.