So this is a bit of a strange one... But I've been looking back over my life and I think that I might be a bad and flaky friend.
Over my life, I've had about 3 friends who have been close that I've then fallen out with.
One was at uni, I started dating her ex boyfriend who she wasn't over and honestly I was just young and selfish and stupid, it's not something I would dream of doing again now.
The next was when I was about 30, it was a friend from uni that I grew apart from, after a year or so of me feeling like she was constantly negative or critical of me we had a bit of a blow out and I decided to just... let things drift, and we stopped hanging out.
The third was in the last year, I had a baby and I felt one of my friends showed very little interest in my new baby and didn't make the effort to come visit. Then she got upset when I cancelled meeting up twice at a midpoint location because of bad baby sleep (she'd cancelled meeting up near me with a 2 hour notice already because of a headache, which is fair enough but then she was very hurt when I did the same).
Sometimes I think it's just that some relationships just don't work out, and that's okay. I do have a fair number of other friends, and good relationships with my family.
But I still feel really bad about the times I haven't managed to stay friends with people. It haunts me that I have let people down, and it makes me really paranoid about setting healthy boundaries with other friends because I get so worried that I am a bad friend and so I tie myself in knots and end up trying to hard too people-please.
I feel like now I find it really hard to just have relaxed and normal and honest friendship relationships after upsetting these friends in the past, and I am starting to worry: is it me? Am I just a not very nice person? It's really affected my confidence and self esteem, and I don't know how to have better friend relationships.