Accused of cheating/Husband searching local escorts

[throwAwayAccount123]

I am a married working mother of 3.
Husband works away midweek. So I am quite busy! Together 11 years. Things were great. After many rocky years we had managed to come back together stronger than ever. I was genuinely very happy.

4 days ago he texted(he was on a stag do) to say he was leaving me due to my 'affair'. As the accusations unfurled it turned out he had been doing things like checking my internet history and keeping count of condoms. I have since realised that there were other times he was being sly and checking up in his own way, but I was too busy to dwell.

It hit me that paranoia can stem from guilt. As i handle work related emails for him, I logged into his google account on my google app. Looked at web history. I found he'd recently searched 'Escorts in xxxxx'(where he works away from home). He had previous searches for escorts, but not specifically local to his place of work. He recently hid his whatsapp timestamp. Now with this info, it feels very suspicious. He of course says he's completely innocent. Was just looking. And he realises he jumped to the wrong conclusion about me and my infidelity.

There was a lot of disrespectful behaviours in our past, and I hate to bring up the past but it's relevant as there is a pattern there that I thought had stopped. Things like contacting his ex when I was working evenings, joining dating sites, just downright disrepectful sh*t. We had kids then (I know, silly), but still he would do things like stay out all night with the lads, coming home the next morning. Did not matter if I was pregnant or not, he felt this was ok. Never a text of heads up. Whining if our sex life was slow, even after I had just had kids. It's wasn't slow lately.

I am older and tougher now. I have no tolerance left. He is pressuring me to forgive him. He doesn't seem to get that I feel so hurt and disrepected by the tracking/accusations/looking up local escorts. I don't this to shake things up for the kids, but I feel enough is enough. I cannot be dealing with this carry on anymore.

Would you run for the hills or try to work it out given how good things had been lately?

In your shoes I'd probably run for the hills. He's a cheating sack of shit who isn't even a good enough cheater to not project his cheating onto the innocent.

You could do much better than this twat I'm sure.

What a disgusting man. I’m familiar with some of that behaviour and it’s so hard to live with. If you don’t have to live with it...don’t!

Yep. Bin him.

Vile man. Get rid

Wow - you have put up with a LOT of shit over the years.
And absolutely - enough is enough.
I would get an STD check done pretty quick.
Then kick his ass out!!!

Indeed op - THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Definitely wonder how I put up with so much.
His good points I guess.

It has to be guilt. Deep down he would have to know I never cheated. It would be logistically impossible! And involve putting my kids at risk.

Even though I am remembering lots of sly comments now that would suggest he has been suspicious for a long time. I guess he was trying to convince himself.

His behaviour is inexcusable
Don't put up with it

You sound like a lovely mother and hardworking woman. You know you deserve so much better. I doubt that your husband ever thought you were having an affair. He has used that as an excuse to deflect suspicion from himself. Anyway, what sort of man sends a text like that from a stag do? A cowardly man, that’s who. Let him go to live out his cliched fantasies. You can then live out your own in peace.

I’m afraid escort searches would be an utter dealbreaker.

Would you run for the hills or try to work it out given how good things had been lately?

Er what? Things were good lately? When he was shagging prostitutes while spying on you because he thought you were shagging someone else. Is that good times in your house?

Agree with Towel..Sounds like he's got you used to a very low bar.

Lots of levels of wrong in there, the seedy and aggressive projection alone would be the end for me.

Of course he was just looking - NOT. It’ll be the tip of the iceberg. Been there, bought the t-shirt. Don’t be a mug like I was...get out now before you waste more of your life on this excuse for a man.

Tell him not to come back home 🤷🏻‍♀️

I should clarify I meant that I believed things were going well. Had no clue about all of this shady business. Genuinely thought things were perfect.
But I guess with him working away, I didn't see it for what it was

This man is absolutely repulsive OP. Have you had an STD check? I would have been to my local GUM within five minutes. It doesn't matter if you wear condoms, you can still catch STDs. Where's the stag do? Thailand? I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of his mouth and would be in contact with a solicitor to start divorce proceedings first thing tomorrow.

Thank you all for the support. I have a tough weekend ahead facing this

@12345kbm Not since my last smear a year ago. I've a day off at the end of the month, I'll ring tomorrow for that appointment. FFS
Can't regret our time together. 3 wonderful kids. But I feel a dick having trusted he'd learn how to treat his wife

But things havent been so good lately. He has been looking at escorts and accusing you of cheating at the very least

oh boy, I don't know how you CAN work it out. Two things going on. Connected yes, but he is searching for escorts whilst wrongly accusing you of cheating . I find the second even worse in light of what he's up to. In fact both parts of it are bad on their own but each throws petrol on the other.
So yes, run, if you can.

And you say ''things have been good lately''. So when things are bad, what will he do behind your back!?

Make sure you get screenshots in a safe place of the evidence.
A lesser person than me would also set them as the desktop wallpaper on his PC, and add stripper music as the welcome jingle.

You have been with him 11 years but had a STI check a year ago when you had a smear? If you have believed him in the past when he's said that he wasn't cheating when contacting his ex or joining dating sites, why did you feel it sensible to have the STI check done? I've never been offered a STI check with my smear so you must have been suspicious about him then.

This is no way to live. I think you know what you need to do.

Ignore the cruel comments, OP.
The telling thing for me is that he's accused you, hoping that if he slings enough mud, some will stick.
You know it's not true.
You know what he is now, and I think you know what you want to do - crack on. Your children will be a lot better off with two parents who live separately and are reasonably happy, rather than two parents who live together and are decidedly miserable.
BTW, suspicion of an attempt to cheat can form part of a divorce for unreasonable behaviour.

Sti check due to mid cycle spotting. I had never had a smear or STI check prior to this. So a full check up was felt necessary.
@mineofuselessinformation
Thank you.
I certainly do. Amazing how blind love can make you.

Dump him. Sorry OP but you deserve better. He’s got a guilty conscience that’s why he’s accusing you so you’re the bad yin not him.

Before you know it he will be innocently walking down the street on xxx town when he “trips” and his penis just accidentally “falls” into an escort who just happens to be walking in the same street....