Its been 1.5 years - would you meet up with him again?

[Leapoffaith00]

I met someone a few years ago. After being single for many years and never finding mutual connection - he came along. As soon as I met him it was instant. I couldn't wait to see him again. Hear from him. The feeling was mutual. It only took me 7 years of single life and internet dating to finally find it. I was so happy! We dated a few months and he then met my dd's. We both had busy lives (I was training to be a nurse and working - he had 2 jobs to buy his first house after divorce) so it wasn't always easy. Anyway....I found him messaging another woman on my birthday. To me, it felt like cheating. He said he gets lonely as Im busy. He said they had met up one night when we had a little argument. He had been chatting to her since, so about 3 months. He said he hadn't met her since that one time, just chatting. He then said the other women wasn't happy as he was with me. I explained, well of course you are, its my birthday and we are a couple?! He then said he was stupid. I told him to leave. My birthday celebrations were awful. I cried lots over the next few days. I struggled to study but held it together as we do. I waited for him to call, say sorry, ask to see me. He didn't. I knew it was for the best but just wanted him to so much. I thought about him every day for months.
Out of the blue he messaged a few months later, apologising. My tummy turned. Its what I wanted but I didn't also. We chatted for a bit and were going to meet up but he mentioned he felt that relationships were complicated but misses being close to me. This suggested he just wanted one thing. I told him I wasn't interested in that. He disappeared.
Now, here we are 6 months later and he has re reappeared. He misses me. He's less busy. I'm less busy (I'm now qualified and he only has one job). He thinks about me. I'm beautiful inside and out. He was stupid. He loves talking to me. Please can we meet up?!
I can't explain how I feel. I have never felt the way I feel when I was with him. I am scared I never will again. I'm anxious he will get bored. So anxious that it feels horrible but nice hearing from him. Is he bored right now, is that why he is messaging. What if another woman comes along? Am I just scared i will never feel that feeling again?
Did he cheat? Is that forgivable? All I know is it bloody hurt and took me so so long to get over him.

OP, please block him and never consider him again. Think of what kind of person messages another woman on his girlfriend's birthday. Aside from his feelings for you, that isn't the type of person you could ever br with right? So lacking in integrity.

Ok, thankyou. I know I have to. I haven't stored his number to my phone. He messages and I delete. That way I was never tempted to text/call him. I wasn't expecting another message after the weekend so shocked last night. He asked if he could call tonight to discuss meeting, I agreed. So I know he will call. As soon as he does, I will block and delete 😔
You are right, why would I want to be with someone who treated me so poorly. I guess I was desperate for him to reciprocate those feelings. It's difficult to explain. Of course I have value for myself, it's why I ended it, it's why I didn't agree to meet 6 months ago and it's why I'm posting here, for support because it's hard. I just felt a little sad. I know I have to do it.

Be proud of yourself that you ended it the first time. A lot wouldn't.

I’m going against the grain here so sorry if it confuses you OP but in your shoes I would be tempted to meet and see what he has to say. The only reason I say this is because I know what you mean when you say you’ve never felt the same about anyone else. It’s really hard to find that feeling and hard to forget afterwards. It doesn’t sound like he treated you brilliantly last time but it is possible that he really regrets it, sometimes human beings make mistakes and realise it later... I certainly have done before! If you think you’ll struggle to forget him then I’d be tempted to meet and see what happens - if he’s not grovelling and apologetic then of course walk away. But also it could give you closure in another way - you might see him and realise you don’t feel as much for him as you thought? It’s easy to build it up in your head when you can’t have someone. I don’t know, it’s your call but life is short and if you think this guy is special I’d rather regret meeting him again than wonder what if forever...?

I too have been there. When I first stepped into the world of online dating. I believe a lot of men keep their options open and are often distracted by the thrill of the chase despite telling you how much they like you, want to be in a relationship blah blah blah. Once it becomes the norm they move on. They are easily distracted by a new face. When it doesn’t work out they throw the breadcrumbs to the nice, dependable sweet person they took for granted in the first place.

I learned that i cannot control the behaviour of these men however I am the only person who can control how I allow myself to be treated.

A few times I received the “I miss you” messages. No matter how much I was tempted. I never responded and deleted/blocked immediately.

I am now with a wonderful man who is sweet and kind and has never messed me around once.

It will happen. Good luck

He sounds extremely unappealing OP, what, realistically is there to even lust over here? He's a chance and had you and another woman on the go at once, and wasn't bothered at all when you got rid so, until- presumably, he's got a gap in his diary or wants his self esteem posting and knows you will do the job and he doesn't have to give anything or even do anything other than send a text.

Whatever you feel when you're with him OP that is not love or deep meaning, it is probably the fact he made you feel so shit that positive attention from him fixes that hurt temporarily. Just remember that he didn't think any of this when he was trying to shag someone else. Tell him you're not interested and block him!!

Thankyou everyone and thankyou to those who sent kind words.
He hasn't text or called anyway.
For those who said about meeting him. I don't think I could take the rejection again. It fills me with anxiety. I can't explain the feelings that have come flooding back. I just know I was once desperate for him to want me and now he is saying about meeting up, I can't take the risk. Reading messages on here just make me realise I can't do it to myself.

Bet if the person he has been with could chat, they would say he has skid marks in his under crackers, is a selfish lover, and a CL and that is why she dumped him.
Because If he was such a prize he wouldn't be single.

Ah sounds like he's started trying to play you already. He's in for a shock

Anyway....I found him messaging another woman on my birthday. To me, it felt like cheating. He said he gets lonely as Im busy. He said they had met up one night when we had a little argument. He had been chatting to her since, so about 3 months. He said he hadn't met her since that one time, just chatting.

This guys a piece of work.. he blamed you for everything... he gets lonely ... He met her because you had a little argument... CRINGE... and what would he have done had it been a huge argument...

Glad you're kicking this dick to the kerb.

The deep attachment/attraction you felt for him is in part due to his awfulness, his inherently untrustworthy, self-interested character.

Unconsciously you pick up on the fact you will never be sure of him or safe with him and it triggers you to try to pin him down, connect with him, gain security - it’s addictive.

The feelings you describe - intense though they may be - do not sound anything like real love or connection. It’s just a reaction triggered in you due to a mixture of excitement, fear, insecurity, need, and the effects of his occasional charm offensive.

Don’t let his bullshit flattery and manipulation trick you any longer. He’s an oily fake. He will bring you nothing real or good.

NO NO NOPE NO NO

The fact that you are left feeling anxious and confused about this man speaks volumes.

Basically he is testing the waters to see how far he can get with you. Maybe he is bored, lonely etc and so on.

Anyway the point is, the whole things leaves you feeling fear and causes you pain.

So no. Do yourself a favour. Do not communicate with him.

You deserve more !!!

I'd say meet up and see how it is in the flesh...but be really strong and try not to shag him. If he's worth it, he'll understand taking things slow

He's just waggling his worm to see if you'll bite.

He treated you poorly and if you went back for more, he would have even less respect for you.

Don't do it to yourself

Block him and forget about him.

He's just going through his little black book seeing who is up for a shag.

He will break your heart for sure. Stay away.

It's just a game to him

And your inner feelings are adrenaline imo. Not lust or limerance. A fear reaction to the chance of the emotional pain happening again

Block him...once you do and keep him blocked you will be able to move on.. at the minute your allowing him to enter your life as and when he feels like it, of course your not going to move on when everytime you phone beeps your wondering is it him and thats him right back in your head. The fantasy of this guy is very different from the reality!