Aibu to take all his wages away?

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My partner is very childlike we are having issues as a result of him frittering away the only bit of cash we do have I'm taking his money off him at the end of every month we both have around 20o spare a month that extras no saving at all I am expected to pay for car repairs dog bits eg hair cuts xmas that kinda thing meals out his goes on crap and beer I've had words to no avail this I've tuck this drastic action to control finances I'm sick of having to rely on family to bail us out!aibu???

Yanbu. And it will be a life of misery. Were you planning a family with this man?

Hmmm, I mean if it's against his will that's not great if he's working. Have you got kids together? Obviously that changes things if so. My DP can be a bit pants at keeping track so I do all bills etc, then keep an eye through the month. Purchases over £50 we tend to discuss with eachother and I keep him in the loop as to whether we're doing okay or need to tighten our belts a bit until pay day. Could that be an option? It works well for us and isn't totally taking away all control. Imo once you take that control you'll have to do it forever and he'll never learn how to handle money. It's frustrating though for you understandably.

I really think you're focusing on the wrong thing. It's not the money it's his immaturity that is the issue.
If it was the other way around ie a man taking your money you'd be accused of being abusive and controlling.
Why would you be with a man you have to baby? Or control?

YABU to not use sentences and punctuation.
Why are yout with a child? Do you want to be his mother?

Can't he have one of those pre-paid top up cards? He has to learn to manage money somehow.

No kids we on last chance get relationship sorted tbh he pays the Bill's but the budget is so tight we have cut back both work full time min wage jobs before anyone judges me!!!but hes crap spends 20 to 30 on booze at a weekend if allowed and buys crap off amazon I'm sick of it and have no intention of kids with him

I'm wondering why you're still wasting your time with this man child. He will never change, so if you want to stop being miserable, get rid of him.

Pre pay a idea thanks but even so he would be as well with cash as he would just spend on booze anyways it's not he doesn't pay Bill's its he never saves or thinks about car repairs etc expects mummy to cough up it's not fair on her

Yabu. Leave him, don’t mother him.

Aquamarine is easier said than done to leave when you cannot afford to live on your own and would lose your rented property and beloved dogs to have to go back to parents at 40!!!

why live with him if you don't have kids together. you could still date him but keep your money to yourself.

I think you should cut your losses to be honest. You'll just end up resenting him long term

oh sorry. just seen above you have pets. how about house share or being a lodger.

Well what are his thoughts in you taking his money away? What do you do with it all? Is he allowed pocket money?

I honestly think if it's got to this point, you need to bail out. If it was a woman saying "dp takes all my money cos he's says I can't be trusted" you'd get different replies.

Whose car is it?

Money set aside for dog and car if car is joint each month would be reasonable but that isn't costing 200 a month each. The rest I'd just not do his half. So he sorts Xmas presents for his family, you pay 50/50 on nights out and if he can't afford it you go alone.

But actually, I think you just need to split.

Is the house big enough to cohabit short term?

His car and hes not happy but agreed we prob should split but having one failed marriage I want to try to make it work tbh if in afew months he sees benefits of saving I'll revert back

I agree with PPs, cut your losses now OP. Go back to your folks' if that's what you have to do.

Then give yourself time to adjust to single life, including finances. Your partner is not going to get better. Time to accept that.

Some people are just really shit with money and see it as it earn it so I can spend it how I wish’ my dp is a little like this, he use to be a lot worse but scrimping by for months and not having enough to do the shopping or put essentials on such as gas and electric and having to ask his mum which then put us on the back foot for the following week, and arguments over money soon sorted him out.

Does he have a lot of debts? When I first met my dp he was in a lot of debt and had fallen into the habit of doing what he wanted with money because from his perspective he was already in a dyer financial situation so another month of late payments - if any payments at all - wouldn’t really make things much worse. Until the bailiffs came knocking on his door and that was a sharp wake up call when he started crying in the kitchen because he was worried the bailiffs were going to take the kids electronics.

Thankfully he’s grown up a bit now, not as selfish and will ensure bills are paid as a priority before any leisure money is spent on himself - still room for improvement but as we have a family now and another baby on the way he’s quite keen to keep working on financial situation to enable us to get a mortgage, wants to save money for the future etc

Fingers crossed he will wake up and smell the coffee.

Well I wouldn't be paying a penny for the car, I'd ask for a set amount each month for the dog and then asking as bills are covered he can do what the hell he wants. But if you want to go away or out etc and he can't afford it, tough.

However I'd put happiness ahead of "how many times have I been divorced" shame

Heartburn888 thanks real honesty I appreciate it yes he has a big loan I managed to renegotiate at 100 per month and I'm quite clued up on gas elec prices etc i cut food down to 300 per month for 2 of us I'm trying xx