Can I leave this relationship?

[NotherNamePp]

Together for 12 years, not married and we have one dc aged 6.

I have been unhappy for a long time. We have had lots of conversations and at the moment are "working on things" which in reality means nothing. I have not worked since having our dc. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 3 years ago, brought on by pregnancy and childbirth, and my mobility is limited. Taking into account DD and my health issues, finding a job so far has seemed impossible. We have a joint mortgage but even if we sold/he bought me out, the money would not last very long. Dp is on a high salary (£120k) so not entitled to benefits.

Dp is ok with muddling along as we are. I feel trapped. My mental health is very bad and I don't know what to do.

Have you checked the benefits calculator at turn2us to see what you'd be getting in child maintenance from him if you left? You should also qualify for housing benefit if you're on your own - his income would make no difference to that if you're legally separated. Are you getting PIP/DLA allowance?

Thank you, no I haven't checked that calculator. I will do that. I don't get pip or DLA, I have heard pip is very hard to get and because of dp's earnings I have never looked into anything like that because I feel it would be unfair. I can work but I have restrictions and I just haven't found anything that fits.

It asks on the calculator if you are married or living with a partner, which I will have to say yes and that will disqualify me from everything I think. Can I put "no" to see what happen if we were not living together?

I claimed benefits whilst living in the same house as exh during our separation. I had no choice until I found a property to move to.
Why don't you make an appointment with CAB and explain your circumstances?

Thank you howl. I'm terrified of the future. I had good prospects pre DC now I have nothing. But I don't know if I can carry on this way. He is angry over my illness, which I understand is difficult but it isn't exactly easy for me either. He was horrible when I lost weight prior to diagnosis, everyone thought it was in my head
He told me I looked like I had just come out from a concentration camp and looked horrific. He says it was tough love and anyone would have been angry at me for not trying harder to gain weight. My mental health was in tatters at that time for various reasons including lack of diagnosis but even if it was just mental illness I don't think you should be shouting at an anorexic person (which he thought I was) how horrific they look if you want to make them eat. At the moment I have the flu and fell asleep at 7pm last night after sleeping on and off throughout the day. I woke at 9.30pm to find our child downstairs alone watching TV and still in school uniform. According to him that was DC's own fault for not getting ready and coming to bed at 7pm independently, and dp knows better than me as he does the majority of childcare because I'm always ill.

He sounds vile!

When you feel better do go to your local CAB they should be able to help re benefits.

Thank you I will.

You poor thing! I agree with the CAB suggestion. You may find that the financial situation is not as bad as you think. Your husband is a high earner and your needs and those of DC must be met by him.

Do you have a diagnosis? I think from what you've posted that you would definitely qualify for mobility allowance, if not PIP.

PIP is awful to apply for, but if you're unable to work full time then you need to go for it. That's what we all pay taxes for, in part!

A close friend has FM. She is still able to work 30 hours a week with reasonable adjustments. She does qualify for mobility which has been a massive godsend for the family.

It asks on the calculator if you are married or living with a partner
You aren't married and you don't have a partner, you have a vile bully that you are currently living with. I don't know the legal steps you need to take to "legally" declare your separation from him, but CAB should be able to this. You can also consult the Rights of Women website.

You deserve so much better than this OP.