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Original poster

My bestfriend has finished with me?

58 replies

Kearaleigh12 · 27/11/2019 13:27

So iv been bestfriends with this girl since we where in year 5, we're now 21. Both have kids, I have 2, she has 1 and is pregnant. Iv been with my partner 8 years and her for 1 year.
Pretty much since she's been with her boyfriend iv seen maybe 3 times and is used be like 3 times a week. We still spoke ever day and had a good friendship, id always be asking to do things and she agreed but when it came to it she had an excuse not to.
I posted something on my Snapchat story about a nursery that had some abuse in it with my caption been "and people wonder *DS isn't in nursery yet". Obviously not aimed at anyway one.
Anyway she messages me going on about how I'm penalising her for putting her DS in nursery from a young age and how my kids are going to be to reliant on me, and how hurt she is that iv posted that.

I was so confused, so just told her that it wasn't aimed at anyone and I don't know why she's so upset about it. A couple of days after she messaged me saying she wants to end things between us and doesn't want end bad blood. I said yeah fine, sorry if I made you feel a type of way. Her boyfriend blocked me and my partner on everything after this and so did she except Instagram.
She was my only friend.
My partner just says I shouldn't let it bother me and that she was a crap friend to me anyway.
But does it sound like im in the wrong??

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/11/2019 15:37

I wouldn't want to continue to be friends with someone who posted things like that to be honest.

It is criticising parents who put their kids in nursery. It doesnt matter if it 'wasnt directed at anyone'. It makes it sound as though the parents that sent their kids to nursery where the abuse happened had somehow made a bad decision and were therefore partly to blame for the abuse etc.

Can you see why she was upset by your comment?

Not really relevant to the post but do you know that the majority of abuse is by those close to children eg family and extended family and neighbours etc anyway so you are not necessarily keeping them safe from abuse by not sending them to nursery.

To be honest although I would be annoyed I'm not sure I would cut someone out for one comment like this...so I am wondering if you say things like this often? Why do you think you havent got other friends?

Whiteroverbaby · 27/11/2019 15:40

One of my very good friends made a comment about and 'only child being spoilt and they are very problematic' she didn't mean it directly to me but seen as I have one child I took it as she did and things haven't been right since. Your comment was hurtful towards your friend, ex-friend.

Josette77 · 27/11/2019 15:52

That was a terrible thing to post. Incredibly sanctimonious. And it seems you look down on her for having a new partner at 20 when you've been with yours since 13. I think for most people that would be rare.

Bluntness100 · 27/11/2019 15:57

I really can't think if my only friend, or any friend, had a child in nursery, I'd post that shit. Thousands upon thousands of kids go to nursery, happily and thrive. I am sure you know this.

What possessed you to post what looks like a dig none of us know, but you did.

Go you.

BloggersBlog · 27/11/2019 16:04

So you have one friend - ONE FRIEND- and her dc goes to nursery. yours doesnt, and you wonder why your ONE FRIEND gets offended when you post a negative thing about nurseries? Really??

Ohyesiam · 27/11/2019 16:07

It is hard to read your comment in any light other than it being dodgy to put young kids in nursery. So I can see why she was pissed off.

This is the risk of posting your opinions, some people won’t like it.

She may be hormonal and unable to shrug off perceived slights, or her partner may be controlling and trying to isolate her.

In your position I would let her know I was still open to the friendship an there for her, even though she wants no contact.

C305 · 27/11/2019 16:31

Your post couldn't possibly be taken in any other way, other than how she took it, which is offensive... the implication of what you said couldn't be clearer. What exactly did you expect?!

C305 · 27/11/2019 16:33

And not just as a parent, but as someone who works in an EY setting, your comment is hugely offensive

MoonlightBonnet · 27/11/2019 16:35

How could your only friend, who sends her child to nursery, not think that post was relevant to her? You’re being deliberately obtuse.

lisag1969 · 27/11/2019 16:40

I think it's her boyfriend I don't think he wants her to have friends. I think he controls her. Maybe she hasn't even realised he's doing so.

Menora · 27/11/2019 16:54

If you wanted to comment on the nursery, it would have been more self aware to post ‘those poor children’ and not ‘look how right I am’

Grumpelstilskin · 27/11/2019 17:02

@isag1969 Or maybe since being with a new DH who has her back, the ex-friend realised just how toxic and hypercritical her former childhood friend has been. Aside from the astonishingly insensitive and crass social media gaffe, even the opening gambit reads could also be viewed as judgmental, her being with the same partner since 13, versus her friend having a second child with a different DP.

IrregularCommentary · 27/11/2019 17:02

If I saw that post, I would assume the poster was a twat. I would struggle to be friends with someone who so clearly judged my parenting as well. I don't blame her for reacting how she has.

cansmellfreedom · 27/11/2019 17:09

Think before you post things on social media. I’d do the same if I felt judged by a ‘friend’ too

MsRomanoff · 27/11/2019 17:15

So basically you put a post up saying 'look how right I am about not putting my child in a nursery and how wrong you all are. You hand your child over to abusers'

And you wonder why she is pissed off? Bet it's the first time this has been an issue.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 27/11/2019 18:04

What did you mean by the post?

Because it very clearly reads to everyone on this thread as you saying you wouldn't send your child to nursery at a young age because doing so is putting them in harms way and therefore bad parenting.

It seems very unlikely to me that you posted something like that totally out of character, it's likely what you do on social media regularly if you don't understand it makes you sound judgy and mean spirited.

So this probably wasn't the first time you've said something she thought was nastily judgemental.

If I'm wrong and you meant something else by the caption you put with the nursery story then can you explain what you did mean.

To me most parents sharing that story (if they felt the need) would say "those poor kids how awful" etc, not effectively "and THIS is why I'm a better parent than theirs."

thebear1 · 27/11/2019 18:08

I would unfriended you too for your post. It may not have been aimed specifically at her but you were certainly trying to make a point in general.

fartingrainbows · 27/11/2019 18:12

Sorry op, whether you meant it to or not, the post comes over as smug and judgy. The fact that you are bewildered by this makes me wonder if you've made previous "innocent, aimed at nobody" comments that stung a bit.... now she's had enough.
Try opening the conversation with an apology for hurting her feelings and see if it leads to a clearing the air type conversation.

puds11 · 27/11/2019 18:13

@hells that THINK is excellent! I will be using that with my DD

fit4more · 27/11/2019 18:13

I don’t think you did anything wrong here. If it was me, I’d send her one final message “we’ve been friends since we were 9 years old. I’m very sad that you want to end our friendship over a social media post that wasn’t about you. I’m also sorry that you’re stressed over your child’s nursery. I would have been here for you if you wanted to talk about it. I’ve always been a kind and considerate friend to you. I hope you look back one day and regret letting our friendship go. It’s very rare to have school friends as adults so please have a good think about this before you burn our bridges” then leave it at that.

Tennesseewhiskey · 27/11/2019 18:14

It wasnt aimed at anyone in particular?

Just aimed at trying to prove a point st anyone you know who puts their child in nursery. Including your best friend?

So it was aimed at a group of people 'in particular'?

Not surprised she ended the friendship.

fit4more · 27/11/2019 18:14

Oh and don’t post shit like that on social media again. It’s not clever, nobody cares, you ain’t royalty and the chances are you’ll lose friends rather than make them.

PollyShelby · 27/11/2019 18:21

Do you understand why she was upset?

I think you need to apologise but if I were her I would feel the same and would cool the friendship too.

Mlou32 · 27/11/2019 18:31

Some people work to support themselves and their kids and have no choice to put the children in a nursery. I'd be pissed off as well at such a rude judgemental snap.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/11/2019 19:10

You have (had) ONE friend. That friend uses a nursery.

You posted a bitchy and snide message on social media about using social media. Not aimed at anyone.

And you wonder why your ONE friend (who uses a nursery) doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

I’ll give an example. If I posted the following article www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8441574

And wrote “and this is why I wouldn’t have 2 kids at the age of 21” would you want to be best friends with me?