Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do about DP ex

5 replies

bosmash · 27/11/2019 07:40

Been with DP for six months. He's a really great guy; kind, funny, loving and has never left me in doubt over his feelings towards me.

I knew when we went on our first date he owned a house with his ex, he wanted to bring it up then, but she hasn't lived there for a year. They broke up two years ago as she wanted to be single, then lived together for a year in the house separately and now she lives with a new boyfriend. The house is on the market as DP wants to sell and buy his own place. All good.

Except when he first shared a public photo of us on social media his ex gf started a campaign to try and get him back. This was a few months ago now. She called him and told him she wanted to try again and missed him. He told her that not only had he always told her they wouldn't get back together if she left, he had met someone new (me) and really liked them so wasn't interested. This is true as I was with him when she phoned.

She didn't seem to have got the message, sending texts every few days about missing him, sending pictures of them when they were together etc. He hasn't replied but has had to occasionally respond due to the house. He's shown me the message threads and I trust him.

Yesterday he had to message again about the house as they had a viewing. She responded with another long essay about missing him. This time I said I have had enough. I'm not threatened by her but this is the kind of crap you expect to deal with with someone who is on the rebound, not split up for 2 years. I asked him to message her again being very clear and the message had obviously not got through. He was reluctant to do so as he doesn't want to hurt her.

Eventually he did so, but the whole thing has left me feeling soured. Should I feel like this? I feel like he is sparing her feelings at the expense of mine.

OP posts:
PaterPower · 27/11/2019 07:48

He’s probably reluctant in case she starts blocking the sale of the house.

It does sound OTT from her, but he’s being honest with you and you trust him, so just step back from it and let him handle it. I imagine he’ll block her totally, once the sale has completed, without any more prompting from you.

TheStuffedPenguin · 27/11/2019 07:55

Men don't like to rock the boat and in this case I can see why . He needs to get through this house sale . "crap" ? This is just life .

KristinaM · 27/11/2019 07:57

I agreed, step back and let him deal with it himself. Don’t get involved in the drama.

Heartburn888 · 27/11/2019 23:44

I’d let him deal with it himself until the sale of the house has gone through. You don’t want to start dictating to him about sending his ex messages telling her to sling her hook because if that was me, that would make me feel controlled and would leave me feeling sour towards my partner.

If you trust him and he’s shown you the threads and everything and you’re satisfied she is just campaigning to get him back and he’s not interested then let it lie. Hopefully the sale of the house will go through soon and then you can cut ties for good.

SandyY2K · 27/11/2019 23:52

This time I said I have had enough. I'm not threatened by her

Then leave him to deal it. If he is sharp with her, he sale will drag on and he'll have to communicate with her for longer.

He's being honest with you. He cannot control her actions, if you carry on like this, he will just delete her messages and not show you or tell you about them.

If you can't handle it, perhaps you should end it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread