Is this the end??

[Cramz201010]

Hi all I’m not sure what I’m hoping to achieve by doing this but here goes..
So me and my OH have been together 10 years. We have 2 girls ages 4 and 7. We both have good jobs, live a comfortable life style.
Our relationship has had its fair share of ups and downs. 6 months into it I found out OH had cheated with a girl back at a hotel room on a Christmas night out. I’ve found suspicious texts, I almost cancelled our engagement. Over the last 3 or 4 years he has gone on numerous nights out and not returned until sometimes 6am the following Morning - he will say they struggled to get a taxi so he stayed at a friends etc. Each time this has happened it’s become more of an issue for me and particularly distressing, especially waking up finding him not there and wondering what the hell has happened, and not being able to get in touch with him! After one particular occasion I decided to cancel our wedding as I just couldn’t make that commitment knowing that this was happening time and time again. He made all of the promises that it wouldn’t happen again but of course it did and I almost left. I decided to stay, only to give it another chance because of the kids. A few weeks ago we went on a night out with mutual friends, he had far too much to drink. We got home about 3:30 am and I went back to sleep in DDs bed knowing that OH would be snoring because of the alcohol, I was so tired I just wanted sleep! He came into the room pulling the covers up and flipped. He wasn’t violent but I was scared and felt threatened he was up in my face shouting. I managed to get downstairs and it went on for what felt like an eternity. Anyway, as I was trying to get out of the house in fear it was going to turn violent he grabbed my arm and wouldn’t let go, my arm was visibly bruised within a matter of hours I’ve never experienced this ever. I managed to get out of the house and to my parents (4:30am).
Anyway, a lot has been said since. He says he wants to make it work. The last thing I want is for my kids home life to be disrupted but I just don’t know how I feel anymore. I am sending myself into a depression I am barely eating, not interested in anything, regularly breaking down in to tears. To top things off we have building work ongoing and I am trying my hardest to put on a brave face. I feel like it’s the end of our relationship but I just don’t want to admit it, knowing the upheaval that lies ahead. I am petrified of how the kids would take to it. I hate the idea of sharing them and not being able to spend all of my time with them.
Is this turmoil that I am feeling normal in this situation? I feel so lost :(

Hi Cramz201010,

We're sorry to hear you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our webguides, which we hope may be helpful. Here's our Relationships webguide. Here's a link to our page on signs of an abusive relationship. Please also take a look at our domestic abuse support page - here - it lists lots of organisations which could give you some support in real life.

One such organisation is Women's Aid. Here's a link to the Women's Aid webpage - and here's their page entitled Am I in an abusive relationship?

We think it might be helpful to move your thread over to our Relationships topic which is a busier part of the site, so we're going to do that shortly. We're sure some Mumsnetters will be along shortly with some advice and support for you.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ

Giving this thread a hopeful bump for you, OP.

Hi Cramz, I am sorry you are going through this, I really think you need to leave. I have experienced similar and leaving is really the only way you can break the cycle of this situation, which is only likely to deteriorate if you stay.
I think your children are also at a much better age to deal with a seperation at the ages they are now then if you wait until they are older as they are less aware of things at those ages (mine were also younger when we seperated and seem to have fared much better then peers whose parents split up when they were older).
Do you have the support of your parents?
It is completely normal to feel the turmoil you feel right now, to feel frightened and lost and want to tell yourself it's ok really and try to whitewash over it. But you can't whitewash over it, for all your sakes you have to face up to it and accept the reality of the situation.

Hi OP.

The turmoil you are feeling is normal. You know what he did is not right and no doubt are in shock about it too.

What lies ahead will be a big change, and it will be difficult of course, but you deserve much, much more than to be treated in this way.

Has he been remorseful over this at all? Does he realise how disgusting his behaviour was?

Regardless, you shouldn't move forward with a man who has bruised you and treated you in this way.