The Croydon facelift

[WhatdoIThinkyouthink]

So, no offence to anyone from Croydon but I had to ask if this was weird. My DP and I had some wine tonight and chilled on the sofa. We were having a great time, went up to bed 😉 and then whilst he was out of the room I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I had major scraggly hair. I pulled half of it up into a pony tail to try to help it look less scary and he came in and said “you look like you’ve got a croydon facelift”. He didn’t know what that meant. But it really upset me. He comments on my appearance now and then. Recently he saw an Instagram phot and said that the lady looked good (half submerged in water with abs and half boobs on show...she did). I said I’d love to look like her and he said, we’ll go to the gym then. I’m a size 8 and actually not in bad shape but it was a bit rude. Pulled him up in it. That was a week ago. He seems indifferent to how I feel about these comments but I think he thinks it’s all a joke. He then says I’m not sure why you don’t have confidence. The same with my driving. I passed two weeks ago and he said on Saturday, on three separate occasions that I wasn’t doing well in some form or other. Then when I said today I was worried about going to work in the car alone he just told me to be confident. It’s so odd. How can I be when I’m being told how crap I am. Any way, is this usual?

Any way. AIBU

Yabu if you don't dump him and tell him to fuck off.

He's an arsehole. Yes it's usual for arseholes to behave like this.

No it's not usual in a loving relationship.

He sounds very negative and critical. DH and I banter a lot. But it’s definitely in jest. We we see that we’ve hit a nerve we apologise and never mention that subject again. It’s not a joke if the other person doesn’t find it funny.

I think you're over sensitive! What's wrong with the Croydon Facelift comment? It was a joke surely? Do you usually wear your hair pulled back like that? If not, it probably struck him.

Eh? You scraped your hair back into a Croydon facelift ponytail and he made a joke about it. Why were you upset?

You said you wanted to look like an Instagram model. He said you could both go to the gym. Why are you upset about this? Did you want him to say, 'ah babe you already do' or something equally banal?.

He said you should have more confidence. Why did this upset you? He's right.

Basically I don't see where in your post he's said you're crap

Croydon facelift isn't an insult OP. Just means your ponytail is tight. I often have them myself.

Ah, I don’t think it is unusual. Some people, don’t really understand the social conditioning that impacts on men and women. It means the things a man can happily say to men will drop like a lead brick with women. He is just saying it straight without realising your sensitivity.

A Croydon facelift is just a stock joke based on the realism that a tight ponytail has a face lifting effect. Older women are known to have tight pulled back hair for this reason. I don’t think he was being critical just factual.

You admired a picture of someone who was toned, not thin. The only way to get toned is to exercise. I think I would have responded in the same way. Again it sounded like an honest offer. He didn’t realise how you would interpret it.

I do get that his back seat driving would be irritating. You will get it from everyone and you will do it yourself. He was unkind not to give better assurance and support about driving alone. But I suspect he doesn’t know any better.

Unless there is a big drip, I would just set him right about your feelings. Honestly and without dancing around. Unless you and other women tell him he will carry on saying things in the wrong way, even when they are factual and true.

You are with Mr Wrong and he will continue to try and drag you down with him into his pit. This is indeed how insecure men behave in relationships, they use their woman, whom they really see as a possession, to take down with them. These are not the actions of a loving and or decent man.

I can't see anything wrong in what he's said at all. I'm guessing you wanted a certain reaction from him that you didn't get, but he's not a mind reader. What he said sounds like joking around, I wouldn't have taken issue with it at all, and maybe he's right, maybe you do need to believe in yourself and your qualities more.

I don’t think the Croydon facelift is a personal insult to you. It just describes the hairstyle.

It's true though? If you want to look like that picture then you'd have to go to the gym! (Like most of us would need to). It was a fact not a criticism.

I think you are being a little over sensitive OP. It sounds like ‘banter’ to me.

Well, he sounds rather critical, but I don’t understand why you say he ‘didn’t know’ what a ‘Croydon facelift’ was. You pulled your hair up In exactly the kind of ultra-tight ponytail that expression is used for, and while it’s definitely not a nice thing to say, he is using the term correctly, surely...?

If you're a really sensitive person (I am too) then you are going to continue to feel hurt by this guy. Unless he understands that this is a problem for you and that you feel insecure about your looks in comparison to other women, it's always going to be an ongoing problem sadly.
Is this what you want? I tend to think smarter men keep these comments unsaid!

I think you are being over sensitive. Totally. There are women who survive years of verbal abuse and degrading and you are upset you want to get in shape and he suggests a gym. And if this is the first things he’s said it’s hardly a pattern. If he’d said that’ll never happen or no chance then that’s mean but he told
The truth