Husband only getting help because of me

[rinseandrepeat101]

My H told me today that he was going to get help for his drinking problem, but only because it upsets me. He said he didn’t like me telling him what to do. Will he be successful if he believes he’s been made to go? I’ve never said that he needs to get help in an ultimatum, but I thought we’d both know for a while that he needed to.

you do not have to put a brave face on things.... set yourself free from what he says you have to do ....you dont physically have to leave to do that....
however just everytime he says 'you have to do xx for me' just hear the little voice in your head that says 'no I don't'
it can be hard to hear at first - but you've heard it now.....and can't go back.....you can smother it/forget it/distract it.... but its there....

you 'have' to do whats good for you and any DC you have responsibility for whilst they are dependent on you......... everyone else in your life is an adult you do not 'have' to do anything for any other adult....

What is the point of putting a positive face on his flat out lying.

Stop enabling him.

Every time tell him. I know you drank x, y & z last night. You can lie to yourself but don't bother lying to me.

And don't be happy about it or it is just keeping up the bull shit.

By staying with him you’re not helping yourself, and may well not be helping him.

Seek help for yourself, eg Al Anon, for families of people whose drinking is causing problems.

He needs to take decisions about his life. You can only decide what to do for yourself.

In your shoes I would end the relationship. This is because IME some people with alcohol issues are not ideal to be in a relationship / family with, even if they get sober and stay that way. I’d take my chances finding someone else kind and good company / compatible with me for a relationship. Especially if you want DC.

He says I have stay be positive as it doesn’t help him if I’m not. So hard to keep putting a brave face on it
WTAF???
What about him being positive and helping you as it doesn't help you when he drinks and is a horrible wanker!
You do NOT have to keep putting on a brave face OP!
You are totally allowed your own feelings and you are absolutely allowed to show them!!!
Do not let him stifle you!
Not not let him ignore or push your feelings to one side.
This is a two way street.
He has to be there for you too.

Honestly OP... It's going to be a nightmare if you stay.
Everything that goes wrong will be your fault because you weren't positive enough, or happy enough, or supportive enough.
He NEEDS to do this for himself.
You cannot save him.
Get away - please. Even if it's just for a few days to get some head space!