I'm asking for advice predominantly because I used to be pretty confrontational in years gone by, and have subsequently tempered my temper and learned not to be so reactionary..... until now.
My brother lives overseas with his girlfriend of around 3 years. Whilst I didn't dislike her when I first got to know her, and actually quite enjoyed her company, she's become increasingly difficult over the past year or so.
She's from South America and told me that when she was a teenager, she would fantasise about having an 'English boyfriend'. She's got this rose-tinted vision of a Hugh Grant type bringing her roses every day and reading her poetry in a punt.... and, whilst my brother is considerate, caring and loving, he's definitely NOT any one of Hugh Grant's more romantic characters.
She started bitching about the way my brother 'treats' her some months ago - telling me how he never gives her flowers or made romantic gestures. I laughed it off and essentially said; 'You picked the wrong bloke if that's what you're after'. At the time, I didn't know she was starting to snipe constantly at my brother (who would never instantly come running to me with his problems) and accuse him of not loving her enough, of potentially 'abandoning' her (more on that in a mo).
She comes from a very screwed up, deeply religious family. Her father left her mother in her mid-teens and she's got this obsession with being 'abandoned'. She's lived with mental health issues over this since the age of 15, has been in and out of therapy and on anti-depressants etc since then. Whenever I've spoken to her about her issues, she strikes me as someone utterly unprepared to consider changing her approach to situations, being convinced that everyone else is 'wrong' and she's 'done nothing wrong'. I feel she's quite narcissistic and unable to examine her own actions, or dig down in any particular depth into her own personality - preferring, instead, to simply pin all her issues on her parent's splitting up and her father 'abandoning' her.
As a family, we have never argued - it's just not in our nature - and we rarely have disagreements of any kind. However, my brother approached me for advice, after a little nudge on my part to ask him if he was OK as he seemed a bit down and uncommunicative. The floodgates opened, and a litany of episodes of his girlfriend's behaviour poured out - screaming, shouting, accusations (all unfounded, unwilling to hear reason or enter into discussion over them), general complaints along the previous lines of 'not being romantic enough' etc, throwing things, disappearing for days without letting my brother know where she was and if she was OK (doing a bit of 'abandonment' of her own, imho).
My brother and I discussed things at length and, when he told his girlfriend he and I had been talking, she went off the richter scale angry - and has now been sending me frankly offensive texts and messages (that I haven't responded to) accusing me of 'getting involved' and 'having no right' (to talk to my own brother, I assume).
My view is she's a lazy, manipulative, narcissistic terror that my brother should get the eff rid of and avoid forevermore, but, I know things aren't that easy for him. She keeps 'threatening' to go back to Brazil and that he'll never seer her again (if only!) and making increasingly strident and unreasonable demands about cutting me, my parents and my sister out of his life if he wants to stay with her.
My brother is a gentle soul - he would never chuck her out on the street (the flat they rent is in his name only as she can't be arsed to work for a living and prefers living on the good grace of the generous German state - she's 37 and seems unable to hold down a job. Up until early last year her mother was still sending her an allowance, ffs). My brother is stressed, worried, feeling he can't do anything to end the relationship once and for all because asking her to move out of their flat would, in effect, be making her homeless - despite the fact she's got friends all over Europe that she's always running off to at the drop of a hat, so could easily find somewhere else to stay for a while.
My current mood is to give it to her with both barrels about what an utter prick she is - which is why I thought a bit of a cathartic rant on here might be a better idea.
I'm also fairly forgiving and, having lived through my own mental health stuff, know that life ain't always a bed of roses. However, her resolute defiance in refusing to seek proper help or even begin to start being less of an absolute arsehole to my brother 24-7 isn't making me feel pleasantly inclined towards her right now!
WWYD?