loveless sexless marriage

[silky4960]

Is this my lot or should we split? I'm 60 DW 58 married 33 years she has never been keen on sex, cuddles etc but we now seem to be living seperate lives I have moved out of the maritial bed after being told to get off even just wanting a cuddle with it seems endless excuses of to hot to cold, and numerous others, she has always worked Saturdays but now is also working more Sundays which she does not discuss with me before she commits to them 4 weekends on the trot I will spend on my own. This means I cannot book away weekends or nights out as she has to get up or be somewhere else, children are adults the youngest still at home aged 24 should I call it a day? I am not looking forward to Christmas as we always do the same thing i.e what the DW wants to do, i see other couples holding hands kissing cuddling she will have non of it, perhaps may hold hands but I have to instigate it. Have others split due to no love and sex,

Strangers on the internet don't have your answers I'm afraid.
You clearly need more from your life but after 33 years on marriage even the hardest of hearts would hope you could work it out I'm sure.

The only hope for you guys is to be open about it, but it sounds like she just doesn't like you very much and she may well feel trapped similar to how you feel.

If you can work out the source of the problem it is possible you can turn things around but it may also be that she doesn't want to turn it around. It's amazing sometimes how 2 people living their lives together just don't see things the same. For example she may have been put off being close to you because she doesn't enjoy sex and feels you'll expect hugs to lead to sex or whatever. We (Mumsentters) simply don't know why things are like they are but could speculate all day long.

If you can't work it out then yes, lots of people leave marriages because the love has gone, many leave even when the love is still there but because the intimacy or the sex is missing.

Man up, tell her how unhappy you are and ask how it has come to this. Tell her that you are prepared for some difficult home truths and actually do prepare yourself as it might not be what you want or are expecting to hear.

You likely have between 20 and 30 years left on earth, possibly considerably longer. It's a long long time to be wishing things were different

OP - you sound miserable. You sound lonely in your marriage, confused as to your DW’s distance and hurt that she has no affection for you.
But you know the solution- you need to tell your DW this, and prepare to end your marriage. She may have an explanation-may even want to reconnect- and there may then be things you can do. But unless you get something back then just get out. It will be painful but there is the prospect of peace, contentment, connection and love on the other side. There is only pain where you are.

@silky4960 would you try marriage or relationship counselling? Maybe these kinds of things happen after being together for so many years, I'm not sure. It feels like you aren't being made a priority. I hope you get happiness soon.

Wow. How have you lasted 33 years.

I got told on Mumsnet before, that there are more important things about marriage than sex, such as raising a family and sharing finances. Personally though, I rate sex and affection as a priority in my marriage. I couldn’t bare to think of 33 years of not feeling loved or fancied, to the point where I slept in another bed.
You are 60 and have waited long enough. Your kids are grown and you could be free to meet someone loving if you so wished: I’d tel her exactly how I felt and if there’s no effort on her part, I’d have to leave.

Sorry you are feel this way.

Sounds miserable
Talk to her - it may well be that she wants to split up as well. Iife is short and to be brutal its even shorter at 60.

Not that's it's any help, but I've been in the same boat for many years. If I could give myself advice, it would be to act quickly and not let it drag on

Other than 33 years I don’t see a huge reason to stay. Kids are adults and you are miserable. I know what I would do.

We have been to Relate the comment from her there was "I dont know why we are here every marriage has it's up's and down's" yet I told her 6 months ago I wasn't happy, nothing changed as in affection wise or just asking how my day has been