How do you regain optimism about love?

[Hotapplecider]

I won’t go into details, but I’m 41, have been in love, and am now single. Feeling like I’m fed up with love, and not feeling optimistic that I’ll be in love again. (Sorry for the moan!) Have you felt like this and got out of it, and fallen in love again at some point (in a situation that has led to a lasting relationship)? I don’t want to go through life feeling jaded and pessimistic; that really isn’t me, usually, but just now I feel so old and like it’s too late! Hopefully this is not actually the case, so I’d be really grateful to hear anything encouraging!

Sorry to say this, but no. If you already have DC then you're probably done.

I think by the time I'd accpeted that my DS was the only child I'd ever have, I'd also accepted that "love" was bollocks and what I needed was co-parenting.

50 years old. I separated from my ex wife 18 months ago and felt the same way.
Casually dated (with a resolve that I would not get involved for a while) and through this met a wonderful woman who rocked my world on every level.
Someone is out there, you just need find them. Get out, date casually, have no agenda or plans and just enjoy yourself.

Yup, this was me.

I met my almost ex DH at 19 and I ended it after 14 years of marriage due to his constant infidelity. I spent almost three years just myself and my DC's and made a conscious effort to just rediscover me. It felt amazing.

It then got to the point I wanted casual company (other than my FWB) to do cinema/meal kind of stuff. I dipped my toe in OLD when I felt completely satisfied with who I was and what I wanted and met my DP on my second date. He has completely transformed my life in more ways than I could ever imagine. I often say to him that I could never have imagined him in my wildest dreams because I didn't think things could be this wonderful and fulfilling. I did have to make a conscious effort to leave all negative feelings behind because I was particularly cynical and jaded about love...and it's worked.

And at 41, you are in your prime!

Good luck OP.

Thank you - that’s encouraging @Fromablokespoint and @LetsPlayDarts. Happy for you both that you’re happy! Wonderful to hear that things have worked out so well. I don’t have kids, btw. @LetsPlayDarts was there anything that helped you to leave behind the negative feelings?

I have been where you are. I was single for a few years and grew to really enjoy it. I just enjoyed time with my two DDs. Then, at 43, I met the most wonderful man.

OP, as wanky as it sounds it was finding myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin. I realised who I was and quite liked it, and this in turn made me almost feel sorry for my ex.

I spent time with family and friends, rediscovered amazing sex with my FWB's (not at the same time) and just came out of it as a stronger person.

When I met my DP I had already decided that if I was to have a relationship they would have to be short of amazing otherwise I'd be gone. So I think he also played a huge part in that because hes a thoroughly decent human being. I guess there's an element of luck there too.

I also had counselling (I forgot about that!) and that helped me order my thoughts and feelings. Do you think that could be something you need?

I don't think I'll ever feel the same about someone as I felt about ExH. I loved and trusted and relied on him and he let me down badly.

I have a lovely DP now who I love dearly but I know it's only me that I can really count on so never want to rely on him to be there forever. The only person I know who is truly there for me is me now, but that's fine.

I love DD unconditionally, but that's different.

Thank you for the replies. @LetsPlayDarts, as it happens, I’ve recently started having counselling; I’m hoping it will help! What you say about finding yourself etc sounds very sensible. It’s great that you came out of it stronger.