When a relationship ends...

[funinthesun19]

I’ve just come out of a long term relationship (10 years). My exp left today. Although it was for the best, I feel a little bit empty . I keep thinking about all the good times we had in the past, and it’s made me feel like I’m grieving the loss of our relationship. Even though he became hard work in the end, I’ll miss him.

Also, I’m scared of the future. It’s a new era which I am actually excited about deep down, but at the moment all the negative emotions are at the surface.

How did you overcome the loss of a relationship? What can I do to move forward and stay strong?

My DH left 2 weeks ago and for the first few days I felt awful. I suppose it was a bit like grief and I shed lots of tears. I then started to think about the future and closing off the past. I packed up all his things and have updated my photos in frames plus bought myself a couple of new things for the house. I've been keeping myself busy and am making plans. I still miss him but i keep reminding myself why it's good it's over and all the good things i have in my life. You will get through this and will feel better but take it one day at a time and let yourself grieve if you need to

You have suffered a loss, for the future you through the you had, it lessens over time, I found that not telling anyone at work at first helped as I could just carry on as normal for a while.

I knew it was for the best also however it’s still an adjustment. After a year I was ready to meet someone new.

I cried. A lot. But I also just got on with it and it kept me sane. Find time to do stuff that makes you happy, be that the gym, a walk on the beach, a colouring book, go out with friends, take up a hobby that meets in the evenings if a night class etc. Gradually you will feel better. I turned to live music as it makes me so happy. Steer clear of booze. That never helps.

You are grieving a loss. The fact that you are actually excited about it is everything. Of course you have to go with the motions and its gonna hurt and mindboggle u. But the fact u know deep down ure excited for the future means you know this is the right thing. Dont stress urself overthinking. Wjen we ovethink we end up playing scenarios that are not even true.be kind to urself, allow urself the time to adjust. You are gonna be one happy person soon op. Grievin a relationship is often compared to grieving the death of a close one. The phases to get through it are similar. You just need perspective and to allow urself to feel and deal with it as biology intended. Its pretty cool to think about all the amazing good times youll have im the future that u can even phantom about yet but are surely gonna come!

Thank you for the lovely replies.
I guess it’s one of those, where it will get harder before it gets easier. I keep telling myself I just need to think objectively now and focus on moving forward, but at the same time my emotions are all over the place. Think I need to allow myself to grieve first and let it all out, and sometime soon I know I will start to become happier.

I will try to do lots of things to keep myself occupied. I want to get lost in a new book and also meet up with friends.

When it comes to a break up, regardless of how rubbish the relationship was (and what lead yous to break up) you always look back on it through rose tinted glasses. Because its raw and the start of the unknown (newly single life). This is normal. We’ve all done that.

For me it took a few months to really get my head around it. And those first few months are crucial to stay strong and not go back, because its so easily to fall back into a ‘hes what i know best’ trap.

Stay strong. Remain possitive. Remind yourself why you’s didnt work and why it would be detrimental to stay together any longer which is time wasting. Go live your life, hang out with friends, occupie yourself, set goals, and within a couple months you’ll find yourself. And in due time you do meet someone else who makes you realise why it didnt work out with the last...as cheesy as it sounds.

Remember, its ok to feel down and have a cry if you need to every now and then. No one gets a gold star for ignoring their genuine emotions. Ride it out, you’ve got some much yet to come :) xxx

I’m really really heartbroken 💔
I’m worried about him struggling or feeling lonely. I’m tempted to just tell him to come back because I do still love him deeply, just not romantically.

If you take him back it could mean he never finds the right person for him. And that you will never find the one for you. The one who will be your everything. The one whom you will be in love with and will love you back the same. Because you will be wasting time with the wrong person.

Na. That wouldn’t be fair to take him back. It would only happen again this whole cycle of should I stay or go. People come into our lives for a reason and then sometimes they leave our lives again. This is a new beginning for both of you.

Don’t backtrack. You will get through this.

This is happening to me too. This thread is helpful, thank you.

These feelings your feeling are completely normal.
Just because it is the best decision for you it does not mean that your feelings, emotions etc... go with the break-up. Grief the loss of the relationship, take your time, you've been together 10 years so it will take time to get over. Understand it's hard right at this time but keep yourself busy, take up a new sport/hobby & surround yourself with friends and family. Have faith in yourself, it will get better.

My husband left in April after 26 years together. We'd been together since I was 14. It does get easier. I was lost at first but between my children and my work it's kept me putting one foot in front of the other.

It's not always straight forward as I still see him often due to our children and it always makes me think .....what if.....

You will get there xx

The guilt has kicked in now too. I feel guilty that he can’t see his kids every day anymore and that they will miss him.

For context, he is a heavy drinker and I’d had enough. That was the main problem. But the good bits were really nice when they happened.
I’ll miss those happy little moments where we both saw one of the kids do something cute or funny. 💔💔

I’m 3 months in after 26 years together, 18 married. I am finding it hard because it was his decision to move on to someone else and it took me completely by surprise. His behaviour has been difficult to stomach. I am making myself go out, meet friends, and trying to stay busy even though it is hard. I found that reaching out to friends and neighbours has been very helpful, and they have been wonderful.

Awh my heart goes out to you as I'm going through all this At the minute also and every day is a different day
My relationship was quite a mentally abusive one, mind games gaslighting and so much more
We were together for 8 years and have a 6 month baby involved
I just couldn't take anymore of the mental games so much so I was starting to doubt my own sanity
He hasn't really bothered with our daughter at all, of course that's all my fault and my fault that she's now another statistic of a broken home but rather a broken home than an abusive one
Very hard decision to make with a new baby but the best one
We were first loves and loved eachother dearly,he just was so twisted and I couldn't manage it anymore,we are only seperated 3 months and he's with someone else now and 14 years younger than him, not a single person has said anything different than he's using that to fill other to void, right thing is to give yourself time as not doing so makes you no use to someone else
Hurts so much knowing or imagining him with someone else but I look and realise i have it all in the form of my daughter etc...

By listening to you and the heavy drinking on his part you've defiantly made the right decision if not for you then for you children
I'm sure it wasn't an easy one to make but you did it and you should be proud of yourself for that because you very easily could have stayed.
It's time to look after you now and your little family and you've already made the first step by doing what you done and considering them and you
I totally get the grieving part because in reality that's exactly what it is
Don't keep it all in though, cry if you need to, shout scream whatever, cos keeping it in builds up and then you will blow
My mum said keeping it in is like a lid on a pressure cooker, it has to come out somewhere at sometime
You will be ok that I can promise you, it just takes time
I'm laughing though giving this advice when later I'll be on looking for your advice lol
Sending lots of love 😘😘😘

Thank you so much everyone for listening and replying. It’s so helpful and exactly what I need right now.
And I’m sorry to hear about others going through the same thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences too.

I went to drop some things off for him this morning. He drank so much last night and hasn’t gone to work. 2 bottles of wine and 5 cans I feel like I’ve caused him to get worse because I’ve made him leave, but for a long time I tried so much to get him off the booze and get healthy. So at the same time I know I did everything I could and got to a point where I had to put my children first.

I’m so worried that one day his body is just going to give up, or that he’ll give up and do something.

You are no longer responsible for his welfare. That sounds harsh but it is true. You are responsible for yourself and your DC as you are the reliable adult.