How much slack to give a friend?

[SonataDentata]

I haven’t seen one of my closest friends (of over 3 years’ standing) for two months. We discussed meeting up twice in October and she said she’d get back to me to confirm but never did. Recently, she’s been ignoring my messages completely. About a fortnight ago, I asked her if I’d said or done anything wrong. She said no, and apologised, but hasn’t replied since.

What would you do? Am I being too lenient?

I went through absolute hell for a few years, and cut almost everyone out of my life early on, I couldn't cope with having many people in it.

Also some friends, as much as I personally like them, are really, really shit to have around in difficult circumstances. They said and did all the wrong things, but because they 'meant well and didn't have bad intentions' I was supposed to put up with it. They actually made me feel WORSE whenever I was in contact with them. (Fuck that for a game of soldiers!!)

Part way through when I reached out to a few friends, I then promptly cut some of them off again when they made me feel like shit.

Now I'm coming out the other side I'm reestablishing contact with more people.

Some friendships won't recover, I know that. But my sanity in those 2 years quite frankly was more important to me than their pride or feelings. I consider a few lost friendships a fair exchange for coming out the other side alive and sane. I also discovered some absolutely amazing friends in amongst my acquaintances, who I will absolutely treasure.

Fair exchange I'd say.

Just give her space. She said you'd done nothing wrong. Just concentrate on yourself for now and she'll get in touch if she wants to.

There are as many reasons why people drift apart as there are people. Let it happen.

If you're getting shirt glib responses it's because she doesn't want to discuss it . She doesn't have to you know .
She doesn't owe you some big reveal.
Two months is nothing and repeatedly contacting her when you aren't getting a response is you making a nuisance of yourself .
Back off and wait and see .
There might be a friendship left to salvage if you give her the space she very clearly wants .

Yes, this is a tricky one. Whatever the reasons for her silence and/or short responses, you really have no option other than to back off and accept the situation. Things will either improve and you will reconnect, or you won't. Friendships change and drift apart.

I am sorry OP. I know it can be tough and hurtful. I am having vaguely similar issues with someone who I thought was a friend. I have had a shit time and she has been shit. Really shit. Friendships can be painful!

You know she's going through a hard time OP, not everybody deals with it the same. I'm not sure it makes you a mug to have not heard back from her properly when she is also struggling. Some people isolate themselves when they are struggling, it's not personal.

If it were me I would send a nice card, saying I am thinking of her and am here when or if she needs something and not toworry about meeting up for now if that's too much. Then look after yourself OP and try not to feel so angry about it. There don't seem to be any grounds here for ending a friendship. You are not a wronged party being lenient- it's someone you care about and you are worried, and presumably wish they were also there before you. That is valid but I wouldn't pour unhelpful negative emotions into this, it will make it worse for both of you.