I adore my Dh but I’m struggling

[Foxton20]

Iv been married a year, together 5. We have a young Dd and two from previous marriage.

Dh is an amazing man. He’s kind, caring, works hard and provides everything we need. He treats the Dc all the same and they adore him. In my oldest two eyes he’s their dad and I feel blessed to have found him.

The problem is he has zero confidence in himself or his body. He’s lost 4 stone and I think he’s the most attractive man ever, but he feels like crap. I rarely see him naked etc. Which has completely rubbed off on me. I was SO confident before I met him, now I have zero confidence or self esteem in myself at all.

. Which has resulted in us barely having any physical relationship. We have sex probably 2/3 times a month and when we do it’s lights off same thing each time.

Iv just tried ordering something to wear but I can’t even picture myself in it because I feel horrible.

Iv told him numerous times how I feel and it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I love him so death but a lack of any physical touch/cuddles/kissing is killing mez

I think you're making it about you op. A 4 stone weight loss is massive and I'm not surprised he have some hang ups on his body. I dont see how his own insecurities have rubbed off on you as for having sex with the light off thats for his self confidence not a slight on you.

I don't understand this either, how have you become so insecure about your own body? Do you have weight issues also?

erm, how is that a helpful response Chaos?

Sounds like he may have body dysmorphia op.

I don't think there is anything wrong with chaos response. It's hard to understand how the op now feels so insecure and keeps talking to him about it, simoly because he has a poor body image,

Op can yo u expand on how its rubbed off in you? Is he critical about you or about general stuff that also related to you?

What happens if you try to instigate sex more often or suggest keeping the light# in?

Do you tell him how attracted you are to him?

What about affection outside of the bedroom, do you make much effort?

I agree with the above lady. How has his insecurities rubbed off on you?

What are you doing to boost his confidence? Tell him isn't necessarily going to do it for him.
Do you initiate sex? Do you initiate the cuddling on the sofa while you watch TV. Do you hold his hand while out and about so he can see you're proud to be his husband
Do you walk around naked in front of him often?
Do you suggest showering together?

I think maybe the two of you need to see a councillor both together and separate. What your husband is feeling is very normal and he properly feels very conflicted, he feels better for loosing the weight but he's likely to not be as toned and have a few bits of saggy skin and he has every right to feel less confident and he sounds like maybe he's suffering some anxiety or depression and it needs to be gotten on top of and then you two should be feeling happier again

Are you self conscious because he lost weight so now you're bigger than him?

Because she’s so much like “don’t look at me”, jokes about how people look at him because he’s “fat”, won’t eat in public etc.
Iv always had issues with my body but together we lost weight this year. I too have lost 6 stone.

But tbh I had more confidence when I was bigger before I met him.

I think he’s amazing and I’m so proud of him, but I also thought he looked amazing before.

He’s not or was fat, think rugby player build. He looks good.

He won’t let me touch him. I can’t put my arm round him without him pushing me away, he won’t put his arm round me without “jiggling” my belly because “he likes it”. He says he does...

Does he still fancy you?

He has suffered with anxiety since way before
I met him. He used to have to take calms just to go to the shop! He’s so much better now but obviously it’s still there.

When he’s having a crappy time mentally it’s when we feel the most secure in a weird way. He wants me, he wants me to hold him, to cuddle him etc, when he’s feeling “ok” he doesn’t.

Firstly well done on loosing six stone. However I do think uou need to take some personal responsibility for your on mental health and stop blaming him.

If you genuinely think he is the cause of your mental health struggles then you likely need to end the relationship. Both of you struggling will mean in that context you feed off each other's issues.

It is hard to be around someone with so much anxiety. Of course it affects you.

It sounds like he may need therapy.

He isn’t abusive or anything in that nature and hen has never said a thing about my body. It’s my own issues I know.

We were good friends for 6-8 months before we dated. So I know what his “ideal woman” is looks wise and I’m nothing like it. Think some firey slim red head from a Boden catalog. I’m not that 😂

But again that’s not his fault I feel like that. I think the lack of physical touch is making me feel unloved. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to show him affection when he doesn’t let me touch him.