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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel so unworthy

3 replies

Sorchasunny · 24/11/2019 21:15

I don’t know why I’m posting this, I guess for some sort of reassurance that I’m not totally abnormal and others feel this way too. Basically I feel that I do not deserve my boyfriend and that I’m unworthy of him. He’s not perfect but he’s at his core a kind and decent person - I feel the opposite. I try and do sweet things all the time, in my relationship and generally to others, but I always feel that it is a facade or a pretence, and that at my core I’m a horrible person. We have had quite a tough year and I had a period of really bad paranoia/poor mental health around April, during which I said some pretty nasty things about my relationship to my mum. I feel better now and we are getting on well again, but when he does something nice for me like bring me a cup of tea I imagine him hearing the conversations I had with my mum. I said I wasn’t sure if I loved him, what if I was only with him because he made me feel secure etc etc. It makes me feel terrible, even though I know I never set out to be nasty and just needed to get it all off my chest, I just can’t shake these awful thoughts that I’m a nasty person, like I can’t escape something bad I’ve done. Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
Jane1978xx · 24/11/2019 22:35

I think negative thoughts about yourself and relationships are common. Have you spoken to a doctor to look into if you have anxiety or depression?

Sandals19 · 24/11/2019 22:37

Tbh I really wouldn't call those nasty!
You were just voicing some doubts, which many people have at times in a relationship.

He doesn't know and doesn't need to know. Don't worry about it. You continued the relationship and I'm sure you do small, nice things for him too (?)

Maybe you're still suffering from a bit of anxiety (or are a bit down)?

rvby · 24/11/2019 22:42

Have you seen a doctor OP? Your self loathing is completely out of proportion to the perceived "offense" of telling your mum you had some relationship doubts... it doesnt sound like you are well at the moment.

Are you typically a person who ruminates on things? I'm hearing a little touch of Pure O OCD here...

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