Emotional Affair With Friend’s Husband

[FocusOnReality]

Please can someone tell me how to stop these feelings? I’ll try to keep it brief.
Married, with DC, as is my close friend. I have recently been through a traumatic experience with a member of my family. Friend’s husband has been through same situation so she suggested we get together to talk it through. I knew him socially but we had never spent time together without her. We have met up a few times, usually at theirs whilst friend and my DH occupied the DC. We have talked and cried together.
But now I can’t stop thinking about him. We text a lot - all very innocent, just sharing jokes etc but I can feel it getting out of hand. I don’t have any sexual feelings towards him, it’s more like I idolise him. I think about him all the time, thinking that he would like this song or that TV program. Will these feelings fade? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

You are in a bad place, dealing with this traumatic situation involving your family member. I think because he has supported you through this, your feelings of appreciation are maybe getting a little skewed. I don’t think there is any need to do anything drastic. Maybe just put a little distance between you and him for the time being.

That’s what bothers me - the thought of putting distance between us. I can’t (don’t want??) to let go.

I have heard if people developing feelings for their counsellors/psychiatrists but they are professionals trained to deal with this. Plus they only see their clients professionally, not personally.

You are making a huge mistake and you need to cop yourself on before you ruin your marriage, your friend's marriage and your friendship. Your kids will be split between two houses and you'll see them half the time if you continue to allow your crush on this man to continue

Sounds a bit like you are developing limerance (sp) feelings. You have become reliant on contact with him for your emotional wellbeing.
Take a step back,as much as you don't want to. Focus instead on quality time with your husband. The only way to overcome feeling like this is to transfer your affections back to your husband.

Have never heard the term Limerence- will Google it

Can you spend time with her again? Thank her for her support? Go out for a meal as a foursome? Start seeing him as her husband again rather than your saviour (for want of a better word!).

I think you should tell your partner and your friend that their partner has given you excellent support and you are very grateful, copy the other person (partner) in. it is very common to bond with someone in a crisis situation so don't beat yourself up, but put it above board now

ps, you don't have to let it go, just put it i a healthy context x

Stop it right now, or it will very quickly become physical

Is it one-sided? It may be an unrequited crush rather than an emotional affair.

Either way, find the strength to stop. Get support from a professional counsellor and ring the Samaritans, not him, when you have the urge to talk.

A little distance and concentrating on your friendship with her rather than communicating with her DH should sort it out.

But you have to put your sensible head on for that to happen...

People develop crashes for their analysts/doctors - because they have been or shared some vulnerability, and feel the other now knows them at some deep level. It’s not the same as actually developing feelings for someone.
It’s temporary and as you deal with your trauma this will subside too.
Don’t be hard on yourself, and just make sure your emotional trauma doesn’t make you do something you don’t mean and would regret. So - make sure other people are around and/or seek other support and coping.
Maybe see an actual counsellor who is capable of dealing with this sort of attachment. They face it often.

PS Don’t bother with ‘Limerance’ - it’s not a term used much outside of MN. Here it’s thrown around easily, for crushes that people don’t want to have.
Your case seems different. Not a random occurring crush, but something quite understandable.