Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dad being creepy!

14 replies

Emma5189 · 24/11/2019 14:05

I'm not a mother so hope I can post here, if not, sorry....

P.S long post

I'm 30 years old and was born with Spina Bifida, still live with my parents as the house has the adaptations I need but on the housing list for a adapted property as I want more independence and privacy.

Issue I'm facing is my dad being creepy/inappropriate. I've been with my boyfriend for a while and he stayed over Friday night. We were watching TV and my bf asks if I fancied a early night, I said yes and told my parents we were going to bed, mum said good night, dad was more fixated on the TV so said nothing. Their both in their mid 50's.

So we head upstairs, close my door and we get down to making love, this was 11PM at night and parents head to bed around 1AM on Fridays or so I thought this time.....

In no way are we a noisy couple as we have respect for other people in the house, at around 11:30pm I happened to look in direction of my door and saw someone moving around between where the door attaches to the wall and then heard my dad cough and go to bed. I panicked and we stopped. My bf tells me not to worry too much and that he probably just heard heavy breathing since I wasn't far off from a orgasm. So I eventually relaxed, cuddled up and went to sleep.

Saturday is where the sh*t hits the fan. My mum said nothing so she obviously heard nothing or was a adult about it and simply ignored. Dad comes down stairs and smirked at me which triggered my temper as I was already anxious and embarrassed and jumped down his throat asking why he was being a weirdo and lurking around my door, apparently my mother didn't know he did this and MADE him apologise, which wasn't a genuine one btw.

But it made me feel ashamed for simply enjoying something with someone I love and trust and being disabled I already have awful self esteem issues and my current bf loves me for me.

This isn't first time he's done this, there's been times even when we aren't having sex and just going to sleep, he's barged into my room without asking first to get something and seems surprised I get mad.

I talked to a friend about it and her opinion was maybe being disabled, maybe he can't grasp or accept that his daughter is sexually active as I know SOME parents of disabled children seem to have this assumption we're asexual and don't have needs and desires.

So does anyone think this out of protective behaviour or something more. I'm too embarrassed to fully confront my dad over this and I got so upset to a point I told my bf that maybe we shouldn't have sex until I get offered a place, he seemed a bit annoyed and said why should I (me) deprive myself of a sex life because of someone's behaviour.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 24/11/2019 14:23

It's certainly inappropriate OP. I think the best thing to do is contact Scope: www.scope.org.uk/ They have an advice line and also provide emotional support. Maybe they can have a chat with you about your concerns and give you advice on your options.

Open Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm. Saturday to Sunday 10am to 6pm. 0808 800 3333 [email protected]

They also have a forum where you can speak to others who may have experienced similar issues and can provide advice and support.

Cupcakey · 24/11/2019 14:28

Can you get a lock for your door? might be worth it just so you can relax and that way he would have to knock.
Hope you get your own place soon.
x

Heartburn888 · 24/11/2019 14:31

I’m not quite sure what to make of it, I mean personally there would be no way I’d be having sex in my parents house if the door was ajar. I’d shut it and put something behind it so at least if your dad does his regular barge in you’ve got a few extra seconds to get yourself decent or whatever before he actually manages to open the door.

I’d like to think he wasn’t lurking at the door for his own enjoyment but it’s certainly crossing the line but he might of been just checked you were ok and might of just looked through the gap as you looked at him which may have been a totally awkward moment although there are better ways to go about this.

Has he ever done anything like this before?

AngusThermopyle · 24/11/2019 14:38

That does sound weird. Get your dp to put a simple latch hook on the inside of door and put some duck/gaffer tape all down any door gaps too.

Emma5189 · 24/11/2019 14:46

@Heartburn888

The barging in, he's been doing for months but only started lurking outside my room since I got with my bf.

OP posts:
cacklingmags · 24/11/2019 14:52

Put a little bolt on the door - that will keep the fucker out. In the past my kid had different lovers over, getting up to all sorts. We would stay as far away as possible, fingers in ears and make them breakfast in the morning.

Chloemol · 24/11/2019 15:16

Put a bolt on the door

Pinkbonbon · 24/11/2019 18:00

I'd guess that it is about control op.

He could be something along the lines of a narcissist. Having had similar in my fam...they liked to walk in on me in the bathroom. It's about catching you when you are vulnerable and embarrassing you.

And about getting you to react. So that they can then tell you your feelings aren't valid. Eg: 'you are acting craxy', 'you have a bad temper', 'you are too sensitive'.

Gaining a partner is seen as gaining something that will increase your self confidence. Narcissists don't like that. So they do what they can to knock it down again.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/11/2019 18:03

Was your door open, or did he open it? Or he was "just" on the other side?

carolina21 · 24/11/2019 18:09

I don't think it right your door open in the first place ? I couldn't have sex at my parents house definitely not with door ajar !

user1471449295 · 24/11/2019 18:15

Was your door actually shut? Or just pushed to?

Jellybean100 · 24/11/2019 18:22

I personally wouldn’t have sex in the house if my parents were in. And I think your dad is uncomfortable with it too-probably still sees you as his little girl and is a bit protective. Doubt any father wants to hear his daughter having sex! He probably knows he can’t tell you what to do at 30 years old but it’s still his house and he may find it uncomfortable?

pissedoff19 · 24/11/2019 18:24

Have you ever had any issues with your dad previous to this? Has he ever been controlling, or sexually inappropriate towards you?

You are definitely in the right to be annoyed, it's a total lack of respect and privacy and just plain weird.

Guavaf1sh · 24/11/2019 18:41

A bolt will solve it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page