Co parent making me look unapproachable. Tell me what to do

[Anotheruser02]

Hi. I'm going to keep this as short as poss because my other thread was too long and no one responded!
Ds's dad has a habit of lying about things all of the time and asking ds to lie to me, none of the things he tells him to lie about are anywhere near as bad as the fact he is telling him to lie. It's usually something around excessive treats/ lack of boundaries/ late bed times you get the picture.
This has been going on since my ds was old enough to talk he and members of his family have been telling ds what not to say to me.

It concerns me a great deal because my ds is 7 now, he goes to friends houses without me being there, he will be on sleepovers soon and school residentials etc and I am worried he has been conditioned to think this thing of 'don't tell your Mum' is perfectly normal. But also because he gives the impression that I am uptight/ unapproachable, I want my ds to know he can talk to me about anything, but he has been told from a tiny age that he probably shouldn't.
Today my ds came back from his dad's telling me that daddy was "really panicking" because he thought he had lost the lid of ds's ecezema cream it meant I would "tell him off". There are other manipulative things he does too regarding spoiling any nice plans I have with ds which is a whole other thread, but this making me look scary thing is really getting to me right now. Am I over reacting? Can I actually do anything?

You have to respond to this stuff to stop it becoming an issue .

When you find this stuff out . With the cream of course I wouldn’t be cross , things get lost .

If you find out he has had loads of treats . You can say I might not agree with everything but your dad’s decisions.

Go back to the suprises not secrets rule .

Do monitor your own response . Thank you for telling me , sharing. Even if you think ex is been a knob say nothing.

For a long time now I have done just that with my reactions to things, I NEVER ask questions about what he has done/ eaten/ where he has been with daddy because then he has fewer reasons to use the scripts he has been given to tell me. When he tells me stuff I never act cross (purposely) because I'm so aware he has been told I must not find things out and wonder what ds must think of me when he is told that.

I would absolutely not be cross about a lid, my issue is with the way he has shown me he is over the years that it makes me wonder if it was a faux reaction to tell my son he was really panicked or act panicked (the lid was here, the cream is a pump dispenser that never went there with a lid). I'm really selective about what problems I raise with his dad because he just agrees with me or lies if I ever do confront him on anything so there isn't really any point. I have never raised my voice to him or anything like that.