Really need some advice, please

[MissCEngland]

Hi everyone,

I really need some advice. I've been with my partner for a year and I love him dearly. We have spoken about marriage and kids etc. However, he has 2 children from a previous relationship and I'm struggling with this. They are young, and I've met them many times and get on well with them. Because of this, I did not see my partner on my birthday and will not see him on Christmas either, and it's things like this I find very difficult. I know my problems are very small compared to others, but I've been really down and emotional lately about it and was wondering if anyone could offer any advice, or if anyone has been in this situation?

I want to be with my partner, I don't want to break up with him. But I really need some advice because I can't go on feeling miserable.

Sorry for the long post and thank you x

How young are they?
How old are you?
How long ago did he split up with the mother of his children?
Why could he not be with you on your birthday?

They are 3 and 4. I'm 28. He couldn't be with me because it is his son's birthday the day after mine. He split up with his ex 2 and a half years ago.

If you can't cope with him putting his kids first, which he absolutely should be doing, then it's not the right relationship for you. It's not a competition.

If his son's birthday is the day after yours, why can't he see you on your birthday? Can't he see you at some point on Christmas Day (perhaps in the evening when the kids have gone to bed? When I first met DP he would spend Christmas morning with his DD, return around 2pm and the rest of the day was ours).

I'd move on, OP.
They are going to be a major part of his life for at least the next 13 years, probably for ever. His ex will always be the mother of his children.
If you and he have children, they will have older half-siblings.
You are young enough to meet someone who doesn't already have a family.
He is putting his children first, quite rightly, but you can choose whether that is OK with you, and it isn't, is it.

Thanks for your advice everyone.

@Pilot12 I can't see him on Christmas because we will be too far away from each other, but I am seeing him for New Years.

I would really like to work past this, and find some strategies I can use to cope because I do love him more than anything.

He sounds like a good man. Would you really want to be with someone who did not prioritise his children? There are plenty of them about if so, but they’re pretty vile on the whole, unlike your guy.