Is he trying to isolate me?

[Whenisitenough2]

Last night my P made a comment about my mum. It was basically along the lines of I don't want your mum's views influencing yours and you been around her too much will mess with your judgement. Now like I said to him I'm a grown woman, I can think for myself and take things on under advisement should I see it relevant.

But now looking but I think who is he to say don't listen to my mum, don't spend time with her etc and left me thinking is he trying to isolate DD and I from her.

But will definitely leave, considering dd is also black it isn't good. Isn't good even if she wasn't.

Sorry. But it only gets worse.

@OhioOhioOhio can I pm you please.

And no, not good. No wonder ps is that way. He has moments where he is nice but through experience and what I've read on here it's an it. This is him, this is his family.

Yes. Of course. Let me know via here when you've done it.

@OhioOhioOhio sorry I've just messaged you.

Been a manic day of p saying DD should be hugging people she hasn't seen in a long time because they're family. She is 13 months I keep explaining she doesn't know the difference all she knows is it isn't a familiar face. He has such rigid views on how he believes she should act. Is this also a sign of his abusive nature perhaps flowing into his parenting?

Yes, it is. And he clearly has not the first clue what he's talking about.
It is totally inappropriate to insist on a DC hugging anyone at any age. Whether or not they hug and kiss someone should be up to them, always. It's chilling that he is already trying to control the emotional responses of a 13 month old.

Please get rid of him immediately. All abusers are nice occasionally. Occasional niceness is not enough. The tendency to abuse makes them unacceptable as partners. He will damage you and, more to the point, he will seriously damage your DD if he stays around. She can't get him to go away. You can.

@Dery I completely agree. Whatever dds age is she doesn't want physical contact that is up to her. She is her own person, it's her body and I'm just here to advocate for her not to control her. Just guide and advocate.

Spent the best part of the evening having this conversation. P response 'i get hugging by consent within reason' erm no there is no within reason. What so long can she does what you want she can give her consent. I'm seeing if I can stay with my mum for a while.

Good luck, @Whenisitenough2

You’re doing very well - you had concerns, you’ve sought advice and you’re taking the steps required to protect you and your DD. She will do very well and be very safe with a mother as clear-sighted as you. Just make sure you keep safe as you leave. May be safer to get you and your daughter out and then tell him what you’ve done. Good luck.

Definitely get to your mums as soon as you can.
Just read back over your posts.
There are sooooo many red flags.
You've now recognised it.
He is now trying to control your DD.
So now it's time to escape.
Good luck and well done!

You're doing the best for your DD as well as yourself by leaving. Do it safely, leaving someone this controlling can be dangerous. He will hate losing his control over you.

So just at my mums. He is insisting that I was the one who brought up DD not being ok with new people , oh and minimised his mums comments. Thing is I can keep my distance from him but DD would still see him and I'm not comfortable leaving him alone with her. Just added stress but I can do this

Time to put big girl pants on and get rid of him. Sounds toxic. He is offensive and nasty please leave while you can x

@OliveToboogie I have left, I left last night and came to my mum's. Those responses came when I called him to let him know where DD was. Also thrown in were the all you wanted was child maintenance and a baby, amusing as not a couple of months he was laughing at the fact a family friend is only getting a couple of hundred a month, joked that he'd leave DD and I. Now he probably realises it's to do with his earnings and isn't just a set amount.

Well done getting out of there. Please don't even consider going back, ever.

Well done moving out!
You DD will benefit greatly from spending less time around him & more time around people like you & your mother.

Well done. He sounds like a wanker. xxxx

Congratulations, Whenisitenough2! Your decisive action has saved you and DD years of misery.

Well done OP.

Brave, decisive action.

Your DD is a very lucky girl.

Don't be persuaded to go back to that awful man.

You both deserve better.

💐

Well done on leaving you should be proud of yourself xx

Here's what someone told me. And remember this.

They NEVER change.

NEVER.

Thank you all, I know I've done the best thing. And @OhioOhioOhio I'll need to remember that when he promises he'll change.

Just feel very nervous when it comes to DD, the last time she was alone with him she 'fell' into some coffee, thankfully it was cold but how on Earth she fell into it makes me think he wasn't watching her and she climbed into the sofa. And got a black eye from running into a coffee table. Just fret about contact and how he'll look after her. If he is trying to force her to hug unfamiliar people then where does it stop.

Don't chase him to spend time with DD. Let him make arrangements if he is bothered. I think you will find he chooses to spend no time with her whatsoever after a few weeks. Given he can't be trusted to look after her this is a good thing. Don't fall into the trap of thinking he can be a great dad for her if you push and push and push it.

Well that's exactly it I don't think he'll ever be a great dad as he always has seemed unable to accept her age appropriate behaviour and just her personality in general apart from when she does something like grab the cats tail which he then finds amusing. He can't cope with the fact that she is fully dependent on him. If he can pass on the childcare he will, nappy changing, bath time, feeding, playing etc he'll try and defer.

Wait and see what happens with contact. He'll either not have any or he will get another woman in his life to do the care when he has contact: mum/sister/new gf.