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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband cyber cheat

4 replies

Brenngal · 24/11/2019 09:23

Been with my husband for over 12 years, married for 3 and have just had a baby of 3 months. Several times during the relationship I’ve found out he’s been messaging/ talkin to other girls online. These are girls he knows not ones he’s met online or anything! Always bordering on inappropriate I’ve always confronted him and he admits he’s wrong n that he doesn’t know why did it but he won’t again, blah blah blah! Anyway just after we got married same thing happened with someone at work same response I was so hurt cos I thought once we were married things would def change. But forgave and carried on. Then just after we had baby a girl started flirty messaging him and he replied nothing too bad but on his part but I was so like why reply at all! Now I’ve found messages again to another girl just privately commenting on half naked pics saying looking well but I’m at the end of my tether! We have a new baby and I don’t wanna make any rash decisions but at the same time I don’t wanna stay and carry on being hurt? I feel like I can never trust him now I’m constantly checkin his phone and laptop! Feel like a crazy lady!! 🙈 I haven’t asked him bout this time cos I’m just so fed up! I really don’t think he has actually cheated but I feel like it’s nearly just as bad?! Should I just pack my bags n leave? Should I just let it go n say nothing? Should I start another argument with the same outcome? I just don’t know anymore!

OP posts:
OlivejuiceU2 · 24/11/2019 09:28

Hi OP, sorry this is happened to you. I would suggest you decide whether you want this to be your life, if no, then leave. He won’t change in my opinion.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/11/2019 09:31

Stop forgiving him and start making a life of your own without him in it day to day. He has indeed continued to cheat on you throughout your relationship. Cheating in whatever form is unacceptable and that is all on him. It is no reflection on you as a person. If the shoe was on the other foot he would not be at all forgiving of you.

Seek legal advice re the property, finances and your DD asap. Do not continue to do your bit here to show her that staying with a cheat is at all wise.

Heartburn888 · 24/11/2019 10:02

Start making copies of financial documents and seek some advice from a solicitor.

You’ve told him time and time again how it is inappropriate but he still carries on. He’s not bothered because he knows you’ll stay and the fact he isn’t even trying to hide it speaks volumes to me.

One day he will end up doing the dirty on you physically, if you let him.

UnicornsExist · 24/11/2019 10:08

You forgive this sort of behaviour once. If it is repeated then you have to stand your ground and walk. Repeatedly forgiving him is effectively permitting him to do what he wants because he knows that each time he is caugwhe just has to apologise, say he won't do it again, be nice to you for a bit and life will carry on as normal. Until the next time.
If you don't want this to be your life then you need to kick him out. With a tiny baby he should be the one to leave the family home, not you.

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