Divorce financial disclosure

[Thaddea]

We are finally divorcing after 30 years and I'm OK about that. I'd been half expecting it for a decade, so have been putting legacy and another minor windfalls into a non-joint online bank account. I'm 99% certain DH doesn't know about it. No post has every come to the house and I'm pretty careful.

We're at the financial disclosure stage. I know I should tell him about this but feel if I did it would show I'd not been putting everything (I mean energy and well as money) into the relationship.

If I don't declare it on Form E what's the worst that can happen? If he suspects, but doesn't actually know, what can he do to find out?

Not a problem at all, as long as you deduct this amount from the final settlement so its a fair split.

I assume that you would be happy if he hid assets.

why does it matter if he thinks that

hiding assets is not good

The amount of 'energy' you've put into the relationship is not an asset. You're getting divorced so how you behaved in the relationship is essentially in the past.

Hiding actual assets though is not cool. And despite the pro-woman stance you frequently find on mumsnet, I'm sure posters aren't going to be lining up to high five you for hiding money, unless there's a massive drip feed coming.

It all depends on what kind of person you are.

Form E requires full disclosure of any and all assets (within the requirements set out).

Whether you fill it in honestly is up to you.

I am at the same point as you - but on the opposite side. I have filled out my form E including everything, even things I am fairly sure stbx didn’t know about. He, I am equally sure, has not, and it doesn’t make life any pleasanter, that’s for sure.

I have some proof (and I hate that I even had to go to those lengths, getting that - having to distrust him before he did anything wrong, even though he has gone on to show I was right to think that way) and so while I cannot prove the full extent of his hiding assets, I will be able to secure enough. But it has wrecked any chance of a decent working relationship moving forwards - he is willing to jeopardise his children’s future security (we have a complicated situation with disabled children) to keep more money for himself, and I can’t move past that.

It is utterly unreasonable to expect full disclosure from him while knowingly hiding assets yourself.

’I know I should tell him about this but feel if I did it would show I'd not been putting everything (I mean energy and well as money) into the relationship.’

You’re getting divorced. You can’t hide assets so as to not hurt his feelings

Apart from the moral issue:

“If that happens, the courts have wide powers to ensure that there is full financial disclosure and that the assets are preserved. If one of you is found to have hidden an asset then the courts take that very seriously. The person doing it can be penalised, for example by being ordered to pay the other side’s legal costs (which can be very substantial) or by being given a less favourable settlement. The courts also have powers to prevent assets being transferred or to get them back after a transfer. If it is found out at a later date that you or your partner did not disclose all of your/their assets, the court can re-open the financial case and make a different order.“

I can’t think of many circumstances where hiding money would be justified.

You should talk to a solicitor. The ‘legacy’ and ‘windfalls’ may or may not be protected. Find out the legal position, then disclose.

I thought that the court can order full disclosure and to fail to do so is contempt of court?

It can. You’ll need to declare it eventually.

If you’re talking £3 or £4K then now might be the time to upgrade your PC/laptop, phone or tablet. Any of the usual big ticket items you were planning to buy anyway in the next 18 months or so. If you have children and intended it to be savings for them you could ask advice about putting it into savings in their names.

Or book a holiday. Or whatever else would fit in with your normal expenses.

So for the last 10 years of your marriage, you have been siphoning money that should have been for the good of both you, into a private account.
I assume your worry is that you want to seem like the victim. You are not that is disgraceful behaviour.
You dont want to disclose it because you think it may show you haven't put energy or money into the relationship?? Well thats exactly what has occurred, so why not own your actions.
At this point I doubt it matters, Your ex and the courts will just want a fair settlement.

Can you tell my ex spunked away £20k because he didn’t want to share it

Maybe the OP wanted to keep it safe because their ex is a spendthrift. Or to surprise their ex with tickets for a luxury cruise for a big birthday. Or so they could pile it on the bed and roll in it. It doesn’t really matter.

Oh, the lengths that people will go to rather than fairly share according to what a court sets out is extraordinary, isn’t it Breathlessness?

I could weep at what my ex has wasted already, and there will be more before our financials are settled. And all so that he doesn’t have to see it in my name (and so ultimately benefitting his dc).

I honestly don’t understand it.

Imagine if a man came on here and said this . All Hell would break loose .

A) Men go onto other websites to say it
B) Everyone has said the OP must declare it

Some nice questions from Quora

*How do I strategically divorce my wife without paying her half?

Is there a way that a woman won't get half of the money in a divorce?

Why does Western society believe it's fair for a wife to take half a wealthy husband’s money in the case of a divorce without a prenup?

My ex wife took half my assets in divorce and it makes me so miserable the life she is living now. What should I do to overcome feeling.?

If you get divorced without kids, do you have to give your wife half your money?*

How much of total assets does this relate to?

I know Ex H did similar at our divorce and I could have pursued it through forensic accountants but I was just didn't want to continue a fight.

You have to look at your reasoning for why you are doing it? How are you justifying it to yourself?

If you haven't been commited for years that is on you and your conscious. Courts rely on honesty and the declaration you sign but most people will get away with it.

It depends where you live, OP. I'm in Scotland and you only disclose finances from the day you separated or decided to separate. So, if you've put money away since then, it is only yours.

I’ll send you a PM

Failure to disclose it is a lie. Did your parents not explain to you that lying is wrong?

@Breathlessness - so we should all just lower ourselves to the lowest common denominator than.

Well if he finds out you’ll be in contempt of court and liable to loose the whole amount if not more as well as running the risk of a custodial sentence.

If he suspects he can hire a forensic accountant who’ll find it within a few moments.

Would you like it if he was hiding assets from you and shortchanging you from a fair split? I presume you’ll be taking half of not more of his money and possessions yet you’re hiding yours?

Don’t be a financially abusive twat.

*lose even!

The laws for 50:50 split is based on the fact one partner (usually the woman) has not earned as much money over the marriage due to performing duties such as home and childcare. I earned a lot more than my ex all
By my own endeavour and supported myself thru Mat leave , I also had a lot of money from grandparents who died before I met him. He stuck to lower paid easy jobs and never made any sacrifice. Why should he have got half my money. Think of it like a business , one partner does all the work and brings in all the money and other plods along why should they get the same. It also applies the other way round. But if one partner did not work to take care of children and Is now looking after children then they should be paid for this.