Husband has left and I'm lost

[Jordan2002]

Hi

I dont know really know where to start, my husband and I have been together 18 years and have 2 teenage children we have been together since we were 14 and he is my entire world. 4 weeks ago my he left me he was angry because of financial issues he said he needed some space and he started a trial seperation to last 4 weeks but as the days went on he said he was no longer angry but hadn't woken up and thought he missed me so shouldn't come home, he said he is no longer angry he loves me but isnt in love with me (whatever the hell that means) so he said 2 weeks into the seperation that he isnt going to be home in the 4 weeks we said at the start.

He said he would be willing to try counselling because we are not getting anywhere as we are and he doesn't want to just throw 18years away but I really dont feel like he is going to come home ever i think he could be doing counselling just to get me and the family off his back my heart is broken and I dont know what to do with myself. I have dreams of crashing my car not to die but to injure myself so he realises what he is throwing away

He has now moved into a rented house I have been there today and it was heart breaking I just want him to come home how can we work on our relationship when he isnt here. He said we dont make time for each other and dont communicate anymore but this is the first time I have heard any of this why not speak to me before leaving

I feel like after 18 years it's not IN love anymore it's much deeper it isnt butterflies in your stomach and fireworks its respect and friendship and a million other things.

In leaving he has taken all my Hope's and dreams for the future with him

I'm sorry I'm rambling I just dont know what to do with myself. I want more than anything for him to come home

Hi OP

I'm sorry this has happened. It sounds like you got together young and also had a family young. Maybe you both missed out on the exploring, finding yourself stage. I'm sorry, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone where i was 'their whole world'. I like to be an important part of someone's world but both have different friends and interests and jobs etc as there is always plenty to discuss, but if I was the centre of their universe I'd feel a lot of pressure.

It's just one perspective and obviously I dont know you or your partner and if this could be an issue, but it doesnt necessarily mean it's the end, and maybe some time to yourself to find out what you enjoy in life, other than your husband, might help you in the long run?

It sounds like he is calling all the shots here. He doesnt think its working, he wants some space, he isn't sure how he feels.

Maybe you could take the time to think about what you want, not just in the context of this relationship but in life. It doesnt have to be all on his terms. Maybe start doing some stuff for you, to make you happy. To be honest I think this might make him realise what hes got to lose, a lot more than a car accident would. He might see you as a person in his own right rather than wife, mother of his children etc.

I know this might be hard for you to hear and I haven't been in your position so please feel free to ignore if I am on the wrong track. But please make sure that whatever happens, some things are on your terms as well as his

So sorry. You are not alone, so many here have been through similar. It's so hard to hear the love but not in love mantra ... but over the last few months I've realised that actually it was the same for me, I loved my husband but it is more out of convenience to stay together than romantic love. 9 months on I've met a new partner, early days but I'm feeling things I haven't experienced for 25 years.

My advice is to keep talking, put the kids front and centre of decisions and keep being friends, if you are meant to get back together it will happen

Gettingabutdesperatenow sorry I am OP but changes profile name. I do understand what your saying and maybe should have explained I bit better, we both do work full time and have our own friends that we go out with aswell as our own hobbies. When I say he is my whole world I just mean that I really dont know what to do without him here, without asking him how his day has been and talking about every day things.

I tell myself every day that today I will be strong and do try mostly through the day I'm fine but the evenings are not a good time for me.

Stucknoue Thank you for your advice

Can you go out in the evenings? Join a gym? Go do yoga so you aren’t just sitting around on your own? Get a dog? I think you have to accept he isn’t coming back so I would suggest you fill your evenings with activities so you are busy enough to not miss him. Go get counselling for you. Has he met somebody else? I think you need to be prepared for that