It's officially over

[girlanonymous]

So I'm 18 weeks pregnant, and boyfriend and I had a full conversation about the whole thing. His feelings for his ex (he was with for 10 years) hadn't spoken for 5, but rekindled their relationship on Wednesday. My and him have only been together for a year and pregnancy was not planned.

His doubts about us. His doubt about the child.

We sat for 4 and a half hours, and yes I am having his baby. Yes I am in love with him, attached to him, have feelings for him, want the baby. But I cannot stand in the way of him and his ex. They clearly love each other.

My heart's just broken. Can't stop crying. Also pretty hormonal. Yes, it was a short relationship, but it is what it is. He's still going to support me with the baby he said.

Just can't stop crying.

Oh pet.

'''love'' can be three quarters habit. I thought I was in love with an ex but honestly after the first 6 weeks away from him I began to feel better about myself.

Staying with this man and trying to make him want you and wondering why you're not enough will ERODE you.

It will destroy your sense of yourself.

It probably seems like the end of the world now, but it isn't. You can be a mother, a mother with some support (I would limit it to every second weekend so that you have some freedom to go out but also, he's not in your life every ten minutes) you really need space from this man.

You will be OK, honestly.

It just feels like you won't now. I think, when you're pregnant, you're the most at risk of feeling inadequate that you're not on half of a solid loved up couple. But that sense of comparison will go, it will. Life will go on. xx

I'm so sorry for you love having the rug pulled out from underneath you.
Is this both your first baby?

Oh OP.

Do you have support IRL? Do you have the means to pay for a child? A roof over your head etc?

Doubt there relationship will even last once you have his baby.

He sounds like an ass. He knew you were pregnant and went of with his ex anyway. I’m guessing they do not have kids if they haven’t spoke for 5 years.

@Bellaxx8 The don't have any children. I spoke to her yesterday because I caught them together and she went through it all with me. She had numerous miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy and an abortion. She was 49 years old, he's 40, I'm 27. I've just been evaluating everything since the conversation. If I knew their history I should have known it was never going to work with us.

@FlabbyYetFabby I have a flat. Financially prob not the best situation, and no ones in my family knows about the pregnancy. I was going to tell them on xmas along with the gender.

@Mickeylove84 It's my second, I have an almost 4 year old. He has no children.

I doubt their relationship will last very long either. At the moment, he sees her as something familiar, unchangeable, he probably won't have to support her financially, he can't be father to her child, it's two adults with all the freedom in the world and two incomes no doubt. but it didn't work out before and they had been split up for five years. Getting you pregnant might be overwhelming him, pity about him, but it is that ''crisis'' that has sent her back in to her familiar arms, not his great regret that their relationship ended!! It ended five years ago and the catalyst for them getting back together again was him getting another woman pregnant !! That has doomed written all over it.

But, I'd leave him to it.

If you're feeling strong enough, have faith in your desire to have freedom and support in this situation in the future. Set down habits now. Get him to agree to take the baby and pay maintenance now while his conscience is hopefully making him feel bad! If he doesn't feel bad for dropping this in your lap when you're half way through your pregnancy, he's an utter shit and you're better off without him.

Just read that his x had numerous miscarriages. She is probably feeling shit about this too then. He's just bringing joy to all the women in his life isn't he?

I'm so sorry to hear this OP, it totally sucks.
Sending you lots of love and strength at this difficult time xx

Getting you pregnant might be overwhelming him, pity about him, but it is that ''crisis'' that has sent her back in to her familiar arms, not his great regret that their relationship ended!!

This. He’s shown who he is when the pressure is on. He’s fleeing from the responsibility not running towards a real future. Accept that is who he is, grieve and then move on. Maybe try to pity him for all he’ll miss through his immaturity and cowardice if it helps. Good luck with your pregnancy.

I’m so sorry love. He sounds like a prick.

I'm sorry for her that she's had miscarriages and at 49 unlikely to find conception easy now.
I just hope they don't see your pregnancy as a ready made family now they have each other and the baby they wanted.
She will be step mum but make sure they don't take over.
I agree with pp maybe every other weekend so you still have weekends with dc.

So sorry to hear that. :( Hugs xxxxx

Really appreciate the messages of support you guys have no idea. I'm actually all cried out at this point. Xxxx

OP congratulations ... please take care of yourself and your health..