stand off 2 or 3?

[talcam]

This seems trivial compared to what some others are going through . However there are few people you can ask this type of question. I really prefer not to tell people what is going on (or not in my bedroom.
Our dilemma is this I would quite like 3 kids but DH wants to stick at 2 we have.

We have 2 DD's 3.8 and 15mo I would like another baby not immediately but maybe next year. (Babies do take a long time to cook though hence the conversation just now). I have no real reason for wanting a baby other than I really, really do. BC I thought I would have 2 but since the birth of DD1 I have always liked the idea of 3.

DH points are:
Perfectly happy with two DD's and why rock the boat? (You might get picked up on a better one (boat that is)).
What if something was wrong with baby it would seriously affect other 2 (True but I am still low risk age-30 and would get AFP done (I know its not 100%))
Financial worries (OK we are not the beckhams but not on poverty line either. House could take extra child, car probably couldn't)
Doesn't want to go through the whole baby thing again (It doesn't last very long and rewards well outway negatives imo)
He just doesn't

I short we can't see an easy compromise so would like some advice before it becomes a real issue

Crikey all of this has given me a lot to think about.
Dont mean to insult your father escapefrom but I dont think DH would ever go that far. That can't have been easy for any of you growing up. (Not that I am going to trick him anyway)
Surely though there must be some positives from my side no? Anyone?

Dh would have liked to stop at two I think, but now he adores ds3 and thanks me for persuading him!

Personally, I love having 3. But it was quite traumatic getting here as dd2 was not planned at all (I had a mirena failure!) and dh was resentful of her for a long time, and still isn't really 110% on board with the whole thing. Oh he loves her and everything but finds it hard still to get his head round the 3 kids thing.
We didn't notice a difference much financially and we don't have to drive a car like a tank (just a normal estate) or book 2 hotel rooms (if you are clever you can get round that by finding the nice wee places with big family rooms). What the problem was for us was that I was really unwell during and after my pg with ds (dc2) and and so we had decided not to have any more as we knew my kidney trouble would be worse in another pregnancy. And this was the case - I was physically very ill for 3 years and also mentally - had severe pnd - which of course made things much harder for dh to deal with as not only did he have a 3d child he hadn't planned, but a very sick wife as a result of it, making things much worse.
We're pretty much through it now - she's almost 4 - and dh has been treated himself for depression and had counselling which has helped a lot. I would never wish she wasn't here, but it hard even now t say I'd go through it all again to get her, IYSWIM. I probably would, tbh, but I don't think dh would say the same.

Not sure if this ramble is any help. Its a tough topic. If I hadn't really quite fancied three it would have been much harder.

It is helpful harrisey thanks. As you say it is a difficult subject as there is no right or wrong answer. Although I have to say I thought there would be a few more examples of lovely families with 3 children. Where is all the back up when you need it ?

Oh I have a lovely family with 3 children NOW. Its just taken over 4 years to get to that point, and some days it is still hard.

But I love having 3 kids, its great, lots of fun and bustle adn amazing watching them forming their relationships. I wouldnt have it any other way now, and I suspect dh is almost feeling the same now.

I "won" and got my 4th child (his 3rd) she is 2 now and I don't think dh regrets her but he is looking forward to her being a bit older when it's easier. I had to absolutely promise him that I would not ever suggest having another and tbh the 4th completed it for me.

However, neither of us are ready to be sterilised if he agrees if something awful happened he'd like the option to try for more children - is your dh so resolute he would have the snip?

"if" should read "as he agrees....."

My dh had the snip while I was still pg with dd2 - I'd be seriously threatening my health to have another pregnancy adn we knew that even if the worst happened we could not countenance another pregnancy under any circumstances. I'm glad he's been sterilizd, though I wouldnt let him do it after no2, as I wasnt quite sure enough, despte my health problems.

Cheers all. sorry i haven't had a chance to check post for a few days. I have had a hectic social life (for once). Will look in to the parenting section ta majorca.