Help me feel better guys :(

[SarahCKITTY]

So I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks, without going into too much detail we see each other regularly and will continue to do so for the foreseeable.

We met up a few times at the beginning of the year nothing serious, I wouldn’t call it a proper date but it was out the ordinary. He then decided that we shouldn’t meet up again due to various reasons but mainly his divorce and just not feeling ready to be in any sort of a relationship. At the time I was a bit miffed but not overly bothered.

All was fine and we continued to be friends and as I’ve said previously we see each other due to circumstances. There has always been a great chemistry between us, which is very noticeable. People often remark on it and even though we have never openly been together, people make jokes about the fact we are or should be.

So text messages and chat have got increasingly flirty over the last few months. Most conversations are started by him, as in at least 80/90% and it is usually him who turns the convo flirty although I have obviously responded in the same way.

About 6 weeks ago we kissed and since then we have been seeing each other. Things were fine I think, no issues and we had fun, conversation flowed etc. I noticed he had been a bit off the last few days and asked him what the problem was. Basically he’s decided we shouldn’t see each other anymore because he’s happy alone.

All fine I guess, my problem is I really like him and I need to stop it. I need to not get myself back involved with him, when I’m with him it’s great but I know it’s turning into a toxic situation.

I don’t know why I like him to be honest, he’s nice looking but not amazingly handsome. He isn’t great in bed, but ok, he isn’t in a great financial situation and has other annoying habits that get on my nerves. If I saw him as an online profile I would not contact him and if a friend wanted to introduce me to him and told me the full situation I wouldn’t be interested in meeting him.

Unfortunately I cannot stop seeing them at present which would obviously be the best and easiest option.

Please help me stop being interested in this person. I feel really shitty right now because I like them a lot and know it’s not going any further.

Is it because you can't have him? Bit of an ego bruise?

I get it. I'm sorry.

I reckon just focus on the facts. He will date you casually but has twice said no more.

Twice. No more.

Focus on that. Forget the rest.

Make a new profile and dont be drawn back in. Big girl, wise thinking etc xx

It will eventually pass OP
You already know he isnt good enough for you, he's just made you feel good by flirting and showing interest. But you now know he doesn't want anything more than a shag from you. So...

This has shown you youre ready to get out there and date properly and shown you that you are looking for a proper relationship, rather than something casual.

Do you feel lonely, is he filling a void? Perhaps what you really want is a relationship, but not necessarily with him?

Remind yourself that if he doesn't want to be with you then he's not the one for you. Surely you want someone that wants to be with you

Block him so he can't use you if he wants an ego boost/ bit of fun. He's blown hot and cold enough times.

Bluntness - I think that’s a big part of it. If he was really into me I think I would back off or definitely wouldn’t be all that interested. When I first started seeing him, I thought to myself definitely not serious boyfriend material and now I’m here wishing me was.

Windmill - Yes I guess I do feel lonely and he’s filled the void definitely.

I know he’s not for me and I know that if we were serious for a few months it would probably be me calling it off.

He just wants sex and the sex isn’t good.
He leads you on.
He's playing games.
You wouldn’t choose him from a dating profile.

Move on and don’t respond to his flirty texts the next time his dick twitches.

He’s a master of push-pull.

He can have you whenever he wants and distance you whenever he likes.

It will only get worse and you will never be in a relationship with someone truly good for you while you are still emotionally attached to this man. X

Not tonight - That is exactly it. I’m so annoyed at getting myself in this situation and feeling like a sad desperate person. I’m usually strong and confident and he’s made a feel horrible and unwanted.

Mashed - I unfortunately can’t block him and have to still see him fairly regularly. I will not be responding to any texts and have deleted all our previous conversations.

Sarah, maybe you could do with some counselling to look at your self esteem so you don't fall prey to men who treat you bad. It seems you accept what other women wouldn't. I think if you worked on your own boundaries and self worth you too would spot red flags and not invest in such relationships that leave you confused and/or hurt.

Expect the best for yourself and don't settle for less

Windmill - I’m honestly not that sort of person at all. That is why I’m so annoyed at myself with this situation. I don’t understand how or why I’ve been sucked in and know that I need to remove myself from the situation. I feel like this all started as a bit of fun. I remember when I first started seeing him at the beginning of the year I thought to myself ‘definitely not long term material, keep your distance etc’ how I got here I do not know.

Not tonight - great advice thank you xx