His mother is obsessed with his son

[Inliverpool1]

Dating this guy on and off for a few months, but stepped right back recently because his mother seems determined to find fault in everything I do in relation to his child. I’ve brought my own children up without losing any limbs. Just not sure how to stop this being an issue or whether to give up now. The child’s mother has taken issue with this woman too. For example she stuffs him full of sweets, a two year old.

I don’t think the parents split up over this but I doubt it helped. I’d never want to come between families but I felt that basically I don’t want to see him when he has his child now for fear of criticism.

I would give up now on him as this man does not at all seem able to stand up to his mother. This is probably also why its been on and off for months; its fundamentally not right.

Yeah, agreeing with PP. You don't sound that invested, and if that is the case and there are difficulties what is the point? Find someone without mummy issues...

How much 'everything' can there be with the child of an on off bf of only a few months? Perhaps she's concerned that the father has introduced a new gf - presumably a stranger to the child - way too soon and new gf is jumping into stepmum role way too soon? She doesn't sound obsessed, more concerned. Perhaps the father has form for introducing gfs to his son, who will then get attached to woman who rapidly come in and out of his life leaving him confused and upset?

And I thought grandparents were legally obliged to stuff grandchildren with sweets regardless of parents wishes!

Oooooh no I do not wsnt step mum status in anyway shape or form. This poor kid already has a mother and a granny, I can potentially be a friend at best.
I’m not going into lengthy descriptions but you’ll have to take my word the entire world revolves around this child and that’s lovely but he then isn’t allowed to parent and being a man (sorry) he’s sitting back and letting her.

Walk away from this enmeshed and weak man and his mother before you become even more hurt and or overinvested. If the entire world revolves also around this child then that situation is not healthy either.

Why isn't he allowed to be a parent - who died and made his mother Queen?. He is certainly not just "being a man" here either; he seems to still want his mother's approval. He is far more afraid of her than he ever would be of you and his own inertia when it comes to his mother hurts him. He may always behave like this when it comes to his mother and will not change; she was likely a factor in his previous relationship ending also.

I'm surprised you've even met the child of a man you're in an on-off relationship of a few months with.

I'll bet the child's grandmother is wary too.

She’s no reason to be wary. As I say I’m hands off and every intention of staying that way I wouldn’t have liked another woman sticking her beak in when it came to my children so I’ve no intention of doing that to the childs mother. Granny accused the mother of restricting the two year olds food because she’s anorexic apparently - no evidence of this - and that was the justification for the second packet of haribo in under an hour - she tyen reported to him I didn’t hide my disapproval. I’m pretty sure I did. I also didn’t chase around trying to capture the run away toddler because she was in pursuit and I got a phone call from work which I took. How many of us are meant to run after the kid ? This was me being cold apparently.
It’s a disaster isn’t it ?

Disaster is right. You think she's obsessed and interfering and openly judged her about the sweets. She could be an obssessed old bag, but showing diaspproval to the person who seems to do most of the patenting is never going to work.

You think he's weak and enmeshed and afraid to parent his own child. Or he could be more than happy to pass the responsibility off to his mother.

She thinks your cold for not helping capture a running toddler but leaving up to grandmother while you took a call.

What does he think?

It's on and off within the first few months. That's never a good way to start a relationship.

I still say it's way too early to be spending time with a bf's dc regardless of your hands off attitude. Now you're going to break up and a 2 year will lose 'a friend' and not understand why.

Seriously, run for your life. Don't get involved with a man who can't enforce boundaries with his mother. It's a disaster in the making.