Fledgling relationship: previous partner..whats the norm...having a wobble

[Wheelyyyy]

Its only been a couple of months but its great, both he and me have said were serious and were just starting to introduce each other to family and friends. I've never met anyone like him...he's just lovely...steady, solid, is giving but not a pushover, attentive, thoughtful, good looking...seems to have all his stuff together.

Im introducing him to my sister and family tonight....so i may just be having a wobble because its scary and good but scary and feeling too good to be true.

His wife cheated on him a couple of years ago...they stayed together a year after but things broke down and they have seperated. Currently dividing assets. They were together 18 years. Have two children.

Theyve maintained a good friendship. She has met someone and is said to have moved on. So Mr fab keeps talking about her. Nothing big but my antennas go up when it happens. Silly little things which are nothing.

They seem almost still in each others pockets....is this normal?? should i be backing off and allowing them space in case they can work things out.

Borrow each others things, spending christmas daytime together as a family for their children, he makes things for her online business so she can add her bit then sell them. Have keys to each others houses and let themselves in. As an outsider I would think its great and admirable. Being someone new coming into that dynamic....im starting to feel a bit concerned

I may be just wobbling because he's meeting someone very important to me and its getting a bit more serious

Hmm. From this it's hard to know whether they are establishing a genuinely good relationship as co-parents and friends, or whether they still have feelings for each other and you may be the rebound relationship. I would take this one slowly and see how things develop. Take a step back OP - try not to get too involved until you have more information.

Thanks Blackswan :)

Gosh, pull back.

You’ve been dating all of eight weeks, you are still supposed to be in the sussing each other out, having fun, trying to impress each other stage, but you’re already rushing far too quickly into ‘we’ve said we are serious’ ‘meeting the family’ stuff, on top of the fact that you already have some cause for concern/bad gut feelings about a few things.

Much too fast. I tend to see introducing to loved ones as something the other person kinda earns after a few months of things going really well, once you have reason to believe it isn’t a flash in the pan. It’d be embarrassing to kinda present each other to family as ‘new partner’ when it’s only been a couple months and you have no idea where it’s going yet. Personally I wouldn’t want to go down that road so soon, it also makes you both seem a bit desperate like you’ve been looking for someone to do the whole partner thing with and it’s far too soon to know if that’s actually each other.

As for the ex stuff, I would be a bit on edge about that too, it seems a bit like unfinished business. After a relationship of almost twenty years with shared children there’ll be a lot of emotion involved as they figure out how to detach. I don’t think it’s normal to have keys to your ex’s house unless it’s for emergencies with small children. How old are the kids? Are you not planning to spend any of Christmas Day together either?

It comes across like they’re not quite ‘over’ and I’d be unwilling to walk into this dynamic as a third while they’re still so close, especially as he stayed with her after infidelity (which kinda makes me feel she has a real hold over him if he was willing to work past that/that he really didn’t want to end the relationship).

No need to call it off but I would be a bit more cautious, cancel meeting the family and revisit that next year, just explain you don’t want to introduce anyone to them so soon when you’re still feeling each other out. Let him see he still has to show you there’s a place in his life for you before making things so serious. Neither of you should be so sure at eight weeks you’ve ‘got’ each other and are serious. Where’s the fun and excitement and incentive to keep pursuing?

Has he already introduced you to his parents and siblings? I don’t think meeting the odd friend is a big deal in a new relationship but meeting immediate family is quite a big step to most people and you haven’t even sussed out yet whether he is available emotionally for the level of seriousness you’re wanting from him. Sit back a bit and watch and learn, protect yourself a bit. Just sensible.

Thanks Stripey....comments noted...you and blackswan have both used the word 'caution'....i think your boyh right.

He's spending christmas day with me too after 4pm.