Just looking for some advice

[HorseGirl123]

Hi all,
I'm new here and just wanted some advice. I'm currently 4 months pregnant, and even though a shock I cannot wait for them to arrive now.
I've always been an extremely anxious person and I have never been able to open up to people so I am hoping someone will be able to just help and guide me, even if it is just a telling off.
I'm in my early 20s and my partner and I have only been together just over a year. This has been a huge thing for us already.
I know I am an extremely difficult person, I know I can be selfish and spoilt and I know I can be high maintenance. I also try my best to please everyone and I only want the best for everyone.
My partner and I have been arguing alot recently, especially because now I am more irrational and ratty. But I do sometimes feel like he uses the pregnancy against me and uses it as a way to make out I'm being irrational maybe more than I actually am.
We have had a few arguments this week and I think tonight's hit a high. I said something I shouldn't have but I didn't mean it bad. We were talking about how he didn't want this when we first found out but now he has completely changed and can't wait and I was happy about it, I then said "I wouldn't ever let you let this baby down anyways" and in hindsight I know it sounds awful but I meant it as a joke and just a brush off comment. He has hit the roof and told me I'm a bully, Unfit to be a parent, nasty, awful people bread awful people, selfish and a Disgrace and so on... We do get explosive and I'm never a Saint but I really don't know how to take all this abuse and just be okay with it. I've apologised over and over for what I've said but he keeps on with the nasty words. I really have no idea what to do anymore or if this is right and whether I should be OK with this because I said something to hurt him first.
Does anyone have any advice for me please on what to do next.

I can't see what's awful about what you said at all.

What is awful is his reaction, and him continuing to berate you, even after you have apologised.

What to do next? You need to decide whether you want to continue with this relationship. If he's like this now, what's he going to be like when he's being kept awake all night by a screaming baby?

When i started reading your post i thought... yeah... shes probably a bit much, lets see what this ratty irrational difficult girl told him... then i read what u said (fair enough, maybe you shouldnt have, could have come across a bit offensive, dont know what tone was used to deliver it but still) now... his reaction is well out of order! Wtf! Are u sure youre all those things you call yourself? If what u wrote is all u said i dont see how on earth he could reply with such vile comments. Peoples reactions say a hell of a lot about them and given that he didnt want the baby to begin with i undetstand if it stung, but turning on the woman carrying that baby speaks volumes about him. What a twat.

He sounds like a nasty bully to me, to be honest. No one should speak to you in the horrible way that he is doing,
He's just demeaning you, and making sure that you feel hurt and vulnerable.

Does he often speak to you in that way? How does it make you feel?
Has he shown any signs of a violent nature, as he sounds very angry and abusive?

I'm so sorry you are going through this, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you're right, you shouldn't have to put up with it. Many abusive men start the abuse during pregnancy because they know you are extremely vulnerable and believe you cannot leave.

It sounds like he is gaslighting you by making you think it is you who is "too much" by simply voicing your right to be cared for and supported in this relationship. You haven't said one thing in your post that makes you sound hard work or overbearing. Abusive men do this to leave you in a constant state of anxiety, where you stop believing your own feelings and start only listening to their version of events. This is the downward spiral into serious abuse as you stop even trusting your own (perfectly normal) reactions to being abused. Its crazy making and I fear for you it will only get worse.

Please read up on narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse tactics and you might realise there is much more going on with this man than you realise. Even after a year, you are now only getting to see the real him. Also, watch all of her videos

As someone who has 3 children with an abusive narc exH, I honestly wouldnt carry on with a 14 week pregnancy knowing what I know now. I'm not saying that would necessarily be the right thing for you and you have to make the right decision for yourself but it has been very difficult for my DC to grow up with an abusive father and all have emotional difficulties as a result. Its heartbreaking either way but I hope you can set yourself free of this horrible man before he destroys you.

I'm so sorry, I misread that you were 4 months pregnant not 14 weeks. Please ignore my comments about not going ahead with the pregnancy and sorry if this upset you, it was just an option I thought you could consider if you had been 14 weeks

You didn't say anything wrong, I don't think. Of course we don't know your tone of voice etc, but it doesn't sound like what you said warranted that response. xxxxxxx

Sounds borderline if not actual emotional abuse to me.

No one should fly off the handle like that. If he had an issue with it, that's fine but talk like normal adults do. Dont fly off into a rage.

Please mention this to your MW at your next appointment. Its imperative you do.

Has he only started this since you've gotten pregnant?
Quite often abusive men get worse during pregnancy.