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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is wrong with me

6 replies

freshairshine · 22/11/2019 07:45

Hi, I need some guidance if possible. I've been with my partner 3 years , we live together in my house although he has a house where his adult child lives , we haven't merged together because never is big enough to and financially I'm not in a position to do so. It works for the situation we are in and we all get on great.

My issue I think is me, I have mega trust issues but I don't know why, there has been no reason for me to mistrust but I'm constantly looking out for signs to tick my box to have a reason if that makes sense. He is unaware of how I feel , I think I'm a good actress but it's eating me up. He only has to do something like lay next to me, pick his phone up and he's to the right of me , right handed but I feel he tends to cover the screen with his left hand, if you know what I mean then I think what's he hiding ....when we are driving I keep a eye if he's eyeing up woman walking , he leaves his phone about , I know the password but never looked. Even writing this I know how ridiculous I sound... I look at his Instagram following to the point I have written them down so I know if he follows any new ones and the same with fb. I sound terrible don't I, I just dont know what's wrong with me, please try to help unpick me if you have experience of this behaviour I have adopted. I can afford to see someone about it, I can't talk to him because hel think I'm nuts what do I do

OP posts:
freshairshine · 22/11/2019 07:48

Can't * afford that should say

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 22/11/2019 10:55

I suspect it's something to do with past relationships and your insecurity.

Some inner feeling of not being good enough and a possible fear of the relationship ending.

Something makes you feel so insecure and this could also be as a result of the relationship or lack of you saw with parents.

Your lack of trust stems from somewhere. That's the root of all this really.

We usually trust, until we have reason not to, but previous experiences can cloud our judgement and we carry it into new relationships...which is very damaging.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/11/2019 12:29

I think you need to look at yourself.
You sound paranoid.
You also sound as if you are trying to sabotage this relationship.
WHY? Do you not feel worthy?
This is deep rooted.
Please get some counselling or therapy to unravel what is going on.
I would also talk to him about it.
Let him know you realise it's not right and you are doing what you can to resolve some of the issues but you need his support in doing so.
If he's a good man then he will understand.
You are very self aware and that is a huge step in the right direction.

freshairshine · 22/11/2019 15:08

Thank you for your replies, @SandyY2K @hellsbellsmelons , your both spot on and I do feel not worthy, but to the outside world I'm fine, it's a horrible daily battle to be honest. Your right I am on self distrust and I want to spend my life with this man so I need to sort myself out, I can't really afford 50 per session on help although I know I need it. Maybe self help books? But what could I look at. My child hood was ok however my dad wasn't around a lot as he worked away and my mum totally threw herself in to bringing me and my siblings up, however he died at 57 , their relationship was strained as they didn't really know one another if that makes sense, never did anything as a couple it was like house mates. Me, I was married I ended the marriage as he was a drinker and as much as I tried it was never going to change, he never cheated or got physical but it was hard work trying to keep the peace. I dislike myself for being the way I am, I'm scared to tell him how I feel as he may think I'm a fruit loop , that may come from my ex , I was put on antidepressants after our 2nd child , and when he was drunk he used to tap the side of his head saying I was mental so I guess I had mental abuse, but why the paranoia of my partner cheating, I guess I dont want to lose him, well I know I don't want to but if I don't sort my issues out I'm going to make myself ill and possibly lose him.

OP posts:
freshairshine · 22/11/2019 21:37

So tonight I tried to explain how I was feeling and got told there isnt a problem , it's you... no reassurance that was basically it... feeling great now

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 22/11/2019 23:36

Go and see your GP hun and tell him how you're feeling. You seem to have a lot of anxiety. There is no shame on being on anti-depressants or folloing whatever treatment your doctor prescribes. It'll help you and your relationship. Your ex said all that because he was abusive.

If something they give you doesn't work, go back so they can try something else. Hugs xxxxx

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