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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there any advice that would help my friend?

4 replies

Meruem · 21/11/2019 15:29

Had a heart to heart with a friend the other evening and she confessed she is miserable. She's in a loveless/sexless relationship. No abuse, but no love and affection either. Of course my initial advice was to end it but, they live in his house. On my advice she looked into what financial help she could get if she left. She does work full time but in a minimum wage role. Long story short, she just can't make it financially if she moves out as rents are just so high. She's in her 50's with some health issues and already struggles a fair bit with the full time job, so taking on another part time job on top is out of the question. She would be happy with a small 1 bed place but she said mentally she couldn't cope with a bedsit at her age, which I do understand, plus she often has the GC to stay and not being able to do that would depress her more than staying put. I just feel so sad for her but I don't know what else to suggest. Unfortunately we no longer live near each other, otherwise I'd just let her come and stay with me. But as I say, her GC are where she is now and she couldn't leave them.

Apparently she did try talking to her partner about all this before we spoke. But, in short, his response was that he was happy enough with things as they are and he isn't going to change! If there is any other way to help her, I can't see it. It just breaks my heart that she's stuck living with someone who makes her feel sad and lonely. I see LTB given as advice on here all the time, I've said it myself. But I don't see how she can?

OP posts:
BluebellsareBlue · 21/11/2019 15:43

I'm so sorry for your friends but glad she has a good friend in you. The only advice I can see is that she starts living her life and not just existing. Make plans, go out and meet friends and try to take joy in others that she isn't getting at home, maybe one day she will meet someone who can help her move on. (Not suggesting an affair before I get flamed)

Pilot12 · 21/11/2019 15:55

Could she put in an application for a council property? Some areas have long lists, others don't. There are also housing associations that can help or she could speak to Shelter, they can give advice to anyone with housing issues not just the homeless.

Minionmomma · 21/11/2019 16:04

Are her health needs affecting her ability to work? Also, is she over 55? She might be eligible for sheltered housing. She could start by looking at Shelter’s website for housing advice but also maybe checking to see if she’s be eligible for any welfare benefits. If her health needs are significant she might want to visit her gp with a view of reducing her working hours on medical grounds and maximising her income via welfare benefits potentially...

Meruem · 21/11/2019 17:03

Thanks. I did advise her to sign up to the housing waiting list. She felt initially it was pointless but I said she had nothing to lose! It's hard to know re waiting lists in her area. It's not the South East which goes in her favour but it is a place that the majority stay all their lives. So I just don't know. It may well be worth her seeing the GP and will also advise she contacts shelter. She's early 50s but older people's housing is something to consider if she remains stuck for a few more years. I hadn't thought of that. Bluebell yes she has come to the same conclusion as You, in that she needs to have her own life and interests away from him.

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